the storm.

[felice dorsé]

-----BEFORE even giving matty the option of saying anything, felice was already sure that adele, the girl lagging in behind her could not be there. for once it was not over the fear of her getting fired, but the privacy necessary to take on what was about to come. "pouvez-vous obtenir?

[/FONT][/I]" she quickly mumbled over her shoulder in her native tongue to the brunette french runaway. and after a moment of hesitation, adele was shutting the door behind her. as she listened to matty, and took note of his body language, change in appearance and tone, she'd almost regretted having adele leave. it was not that she was afraid of him, but afraid of the emotions that were bound to come out, emotions she was positive she could keep had it not been just the two of them. for as she back as she could recall, she had attempted to pride herself in showing very little, if not no emotion. her father passed, and only a few tears were shed. she'd lost telemachus, and she downright refused to cry over the loss of a living human being. and while it may have looked like she had absolutely no heart, she was positive that what she felt on the inside denied that theory. it was the idea of looking weak, fragile, easily broken, and that was something she could never come to make herself look. but this right here, was emotion. it was fear wrapped up and taking over everything that was inside of her, she couldn't manage to lose matty too, even if he'd only been a small character in her story. within such a short amount of time, he had taken a serious toll on her life. he was credited for her getting so close to over her ex, giving her a reason to believe there were good people out there, and making her the happiest she had felt in a long time.

-----THE fear of pushing him away wounded up leaving her with such a lack of words. there was no justifiable way of explaining it, and especially to matty. she couldn't tell him she liked it, nor could she tell him it was her last option, because at the end of the day, no matter what she tried to say, there were a million other options. she could only imagine what was going through his head, how much his views on her had changed within the span of a few moments. "well.. you see,[/FONT][/I]" she began to say as soon as she realized what was about to come out was not even worth saying. for the girl with the typical word vomit tendencies, she had absolutely nothing to say. her mind quickly thought up things she could say, but without lying, there was absolutely nothing that she could write it off with. a part of her wanted to tell him that she did not owe him anything, but she kind of did. he had done nothing but made time for a girl who did this every night, not behind his back, but definitely not to his knowledge either. "i don't know what to say to you,[/FONT][/I]" she told him in a barely audible tone, shame written all over her face. blonde locks cascaded over her bare bronzed shoulders, her head almost hiding away in the mess of hair. "it's not as bad as it seems, i promise..[/FONT][/I]" she told him, fully aware that in his eyes that was not going to click. it was easy for anyone to assume that it was just as bad as it seemed, just as bad as the government attempting to close down windows thought. she remained at arms length from him, sure to not come too close. "i'm sorry, i know you probably hate me now, and i really don't blame you. i should have told you this from day one, but i didn't want you to think this was who i am.[/FONT][/I]" but was it who she was? the nights spent presenting herself in a lit up window, waiting for the next man to come around and purchase her? had she become something or someone who was just purchased at someone else's pleasure? it looked that way, but it wasn't who she was, matty knew who she was. this was her job, nothing about it defined her as a person.

---

----- STATUS finit!
----- MUSIC cocorosiee.
----- OUTFIT such a hooker.
----- NOTES i fail! <33
[/sup][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[matty olson]

<sup>for a brief moment he brought his hands together and laced the fingers, cupping them over his mouth in a state of delusion. "so let me get this right..." he said, perplexed and caught in a state of mind that was very deep in thought. "you won't have sex with me, but you'll spread your legs to anyone who will throw you a couple dollars. he knew this wasn't about him, but it was the entire principal of the thing; atleast matty was young, relatively attractive, and most of all he and felice had a connection. he could only imagine the types of "clients" she'd had during the time, however long it had been that she'd been doing this. "felice" he lowered his voice as if what they were talking about was very wrong, and he was shielding his words from any ears other than their own. "you know that if you needed the money that bad i would have given it to you. i mean really. fucking seriously." his feet caught paces, no longer able to sit still. her blank, vacant stare back at his words stirred anger inside him that he attempted to keep tepid. anger wasn't a good look on matty, and he didn't like being anything other than perfectly happy; life was too short, and yet somehow utter unhappiness seemed to find him. and he, the ever unsuspecting and naive victim: how could he not see what was right before his eyes?

his hand reached in his back pocket, pulling out his wallet and gripping up the petty cash that he had left over, about four hundred dollars. "this is what you want? do you know what this is to me? i wipe my ass with money, it's not important and you're going to degrade yourself, what the fuck?!" he asked her before throwing the cash on the bed. this was not the felice he knew. "but you want it and you'll do anything for it, right? so go ahead then, do it. sell yourself for a few pieces of fucking paper. he closed the gap between then with only a few steps, inches from her body looking her square in the eye. his fingers fumbled with the clasp of his belt, loosing the clasp and he quickly pulled it out of the loops. he took off his jacked and threw it on the bed. he unbuttoned his pants inched closer to her, as close as could be with out their faces touching. "how could you lie to me?" and with that he was done, he buttoned his pants and looked away from her and heaved a great sigh. he was done looking at her, but still had much to say. "and you were lying, felice. omitting information is fucking lying especially something like this. you know about me- i mean it's just so fucked up."</sup>

[/color][/font][/i][/size] felice.
wardrobe,[/i][/size] wearing the glasses at night, no doubt.
music,[/i][/size] taking back sunday , a decade under the influence .
notes,[/i][/size] credit to melissa for the format. [/ul]
[/sup][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[felice dorsé]

-----THE mentality that went with felice not sleeping with matty -or anyone else outside of work for that matter- was something she thought that he should understand now more than ever. matters would have been far worst had she slept with him, or so she believed. especially given the number of people she had slept with at her job alone, it would be wrong on so many more levels, and taking work into her personal life, in a sense. “how don’t you get that now?! it’s not about the money, i wouldn’t make you pay me. i just know you well enough to know that had you know.. it wouldn’t have ever been an option!

[/FONT][/I]” she told him in her defense; though she knew it was not a strong case. when matty put things into perspective, it was almost enough to make her feel entirely awful. but she soon realized that the reason for her having a job was to stop taking peoples money, and freeloading. “you obviously can’t see that the reason i’m doing this is so i’m not sitting around taking people’s money, that isn’t fair to anyone![/FONT][/I]” and in a sense, she found herself right. how was it fair for her to have an education paid for, housing paid for, and have absolutely nothing to show for it on her own, and not much dignity at the end of the day later. it may have appeared as a complete contradiction, since she was getting paid to have sex with people, but at least it wasn’t money being handed to her for a no good reason.

-----SHOULDERS tensed with such uneasiness as she watched him carefully. going for his pocket, and she knew what was going to come next. for a second she felt a sense of hatred towards him, as he talked about money meaning close to absolutely nothing for him. here there were people who couldn’t make a dollar to save their lives, children who were starving, homeless in virtually every city she’d ever seen, and he degraded them in his own way. but in the back of her head, she knew he had a point, it was something that some could see as degrading, him obviously being one of those people. but on the other hand, she wasn’t born into that same money and luxury that he was. “and i’m really glad that money doesn’t mean anything to you, and you don’t have to do things you don’t want to do to get it, but we don’t all have that option,[/FONT][/I]” she said quietly as she rolled her eyes at his gesture. but at him unbuttoning his own pants, she shook her head, slowly from side to side. and all she could manage to do was take a few steps back from him, but what came next surprised her the most, were the tears that welled in her eyes. tilting her head backward and letting out a deep breath in attempt to stop them from falling. “can you please not be an asshole?! this has nothing to do with you. when i met you i was just moving here, i hadn’t started yet. and then i did and that’s not just an easy thing to tell someone![/FONT][/I]” she began in attempt to explain. “how do you tell someone you’ve just met that? there’s no way i can think of now, much less then![/FONT][/I]”

---

----- STATUS finit!
----- MUSIC cocorosiee.
----- OUTFIT such a hooker.
----- NOTES i fail! <33
[/sup][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[matty olson]

<sup>"are you seriously listening to yourself right now, or are you just talking out of your ass like you apparently do all the time?" matty snapped at her impatiently. he found his new place seated on the bed, but he had a hard time keeping still. "you do have the option. i think any normal person would take charity over prostitution." the word tasted like filth in his mouth, and as soon as he spoke it the reality became more usual. matty was not a proud person and often did not understand that emotion when associated with money. he did not at all feel entitled to his parents wealth; he looked at it as more of a blessing to be taken advantage of, and to be spread. while he did sympathize with the less fortunate parts of society, and while he did enjoy the finer things in life, he did not require them to be happy. he could have done the same thing he was doing right that moment had he been born middle class rather than of the notorious olson family. at the end of the day, however, it was her body and she could do with it what she wanted and all he could do was voice his distaste. he found the newly discovered dishonesty in their relationship a black hole, slowly creating a void between them.

"why wouldn't it be an easy thing to tell me, because you're ashamed? he inquired, although he didn't really care. his words had a bitter twang to them and he felt exhausted. he shook his head in disbelief. "the thing that's really fucking got me so irritated with you is- you know, i told you things. heavy things, shit i never ever would have told anyone else under any other circumstance. i let it all out about heather and the cheating. i made sure you understood that i really loved that girl-" even though nearly a year had passed since he and heather had broken up, he still carried a great weight around in regards to the relationship. while he found himself ever trusting, he also did so with the knowledge that just about anyone was going to fuck him over, essentially insecure. it had certainly gotten in the way of every single relationship he'd had up until that point which was why he had developed the playboy reputation from the tabloids- he had put relationships on the backburner. however he was still a true romantic and all of it, meeting felice how he had- it was all too perfect, and he was a fool to admit that she'd made him reconsider his ways, if not in a moment of stupidity. "and i thought that maybe i could have loved you too. but, you know. it's whatever. it wouldn't have been that weird to say and you know it. i told you how i think i literally met god and the time i almost got arrested, how they chopped my insides up- you mentioning this entire clusterfuck would have been totally in topic. but again, it's what the fucking ever. he nodded once more, before standing up. "it's whatever. he stated one final time with a shake of the head before packing up the various drawing tools he'd brought with him.</sup>

[/color][/font][/i][/size] felice.
wardrobe,[/i][/size] wearing the glasses at night, no doubt.
music,[/i][/size] taking back sunday , a decade under the influence .
notes,[/i][/size] credit to melissa for the format. [/ul]
[/sup][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[felice dorsé]

-----THE two feelings that seemingly became felice in the moment were hating him, and understanding where he was coming from. at the moment, the latter was nowhere in sight. “when was i talking out of my ass?!

[/FONT][/I]” she quickly responded with, she could recall no time where she had sat and lied, exaggerated, or came close to making anything up. her arms crossed over her practically bare chest as her eyebrows knitted in pure frustration. she would have told him eventually, she told herself, but she was fully aware she was also lying to herself. if she had it her way he would never know, he could let his mind conjure whatever it was about her work. and they would never have to talk about it, and nothing would go wrong as it was better left unsaid. “vous êtes effectivement une telle, vous agir comme si je vous devons quelque chose.. comme si je vous l'ai dit dès le premier jour. quel bien qu'ont fait ceux?! vous aurez probablement me haä ssaient, et être la première à déplacer votre siège. et ce n'est pas vraiment quelque chose vous pouvez viennent aisément et de dire à quelqu'un![/FONT][/I]” she told him before she cut herself off, not only realizing her tone of voice, but the fact that she had resorted back to her first language- something that happened quite often as she got too heated. it was almost as if she needed to get the words out, but didn’t want him to actually hear them. “do you know what? i don’t care, i actually don’t care![/FONT][/I]” she told him in a language she was sure to understand, throwing her hand up in the air as if to say she was done, though that too was another lie to both him and herself. she paced the room quickly, walking from each corner to the other, back and forth for a matter of moments. the lack of words to say leaving her tongue tied, her eyes barely meeting his.

-----”NO, i’m actually not ashamed. unlike you i don’t think it’s a big deal. i just know that sheltered people, like you.. look at it as the end of the world!” she told him honestly, taking the previous tone of voice down, this time slightly apologetic. and she kept her mouth shut as he carried on, half afraid of what he was going to say to her next. but as voice lowered too, the pacing stopped. and she stood there, taking a complete one-eighty, appearing so naive. as he spoke of heather she remember feeling so upset for him, unable to comprehend how a girl could do that to a guy who seemed as though he did nothing but care about her. and heather hurt him, and as the idea that maybe she hurt him too crossed her mind, she felt a sick feeling in her stomach churning. that was never the intention, hurting him or lying to him was the last thing she had ever wanted to do. maybe she was wrong in telling herself she didn’t owe him anything, maybe she did owe it to him. but there was nothing she could do now, no words she could say that would make up for her keeping her job in such hiding from him- it was all out on the table. “i didn’t want it to be like this, matty, i promise. i wanted to tell you everything, i really did. but that’s so much easier said than done. i can’t even explain this to you now? how could i have explained it to you then?![/FONT][/I]” she questioned as she watched him gather his belongings. “what do want me to do? or say?[/FONT][/I]” desperation was the only thing written all over face now.

---

----- STATUS finit!
----- MUSIC cocorosiee.
----- OUTFIT such a hooker.
----- NOTES i fail! <33
[/sup][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[matty olson]

<sup>inside his hustle he wasn't processing the moment. he really wanted nothing more than to run away from the entire situation, but there was some part of him- the sick part, he imagined that still saw themselves together, as if this was not happening and had not happened. and he just had to stop and stare at her, only because he wasn't hearing anything that she was saying. he let the silence fill the air only because it was the time when he didn't find himself distracted. and with the silence did come thoughts- thoughts of him walking up to her, that beautiful slender blonde he valued so much, pressing his lips against her own and pushing her backwards, taking her to bed. then a flash, light and a change of scenery and he's standing in the spot he's made his own and the same things are going on and she's with another man, and another, and another. all the while he's helpless and he can't move, he can't scream out because he is powerless. he can not do anything and he is, predictably, alone. and then came a realization; this was no longer the beautiful budding relationship he once thought it was. when he looked at felice, he no longer saw the bright, bold, vivacious young woman he had before. he no longer saw a soul mate of sorts- instead all he saw was her bouncing between men, doing other illegal things, because if she could lie about this one thing, this huge thing, then she could lie about anything.

"i don't know, felice." he stated honestly, his voice dripping with unsettling senses of sorrow that hit him deep in his soul. he saw no escape from this moment that he still found himself struggling to truly comprehend. as the moments passed, he became more in touch with the real. he certainly couldn't forget this, even though he didn't want to remember it. the moment had a sick sense of irony, a sort of déjà vous that made him question just what he had done that gave just cause for the women in his life to constantly walk all over his emotions; he assumed it was a personal problem, one to pondered at a later time and date. it was really so hopeless, and he thought she could see that in his eyes. "but i can tell you that you're not saying it." he was ready to go but he stopped for a moment to look at her once more.[ color=251D1A] "...listen"</sup>

[/color] he remarked, an awkward sort of look on his face. "you obviously don't feel bad about any of this, good for you. it's going to rest easy knowing you'll have no trouble sleeping at night, but i'm not going to come around anymore." he gave the room a nostalgic look over, imprinting the memory in his mind. "so if you have anything to say to me, i guess you better do it now."






[/font]

[/color][/font][/i][/size] felice.
wardrobe,[/i][/size] wearing the glasses at night, no doubt.
music,[/i][/size] taking back sunday , a decade under the influence .
notes,[/i][/size] credit to melissa for the format. [/ul]
[/sup][/blockquote][/blockquote]