. satellite heart -

[sohvi holt]

^S

[/i][/color]he tapped her fingers against the keyboard ever so lightly as she stared at the screen blankly. Her cursor hovered over his name. She knew that this conversation would change her life and yet here she was doing it on skype. She couldn't face him right now and even so after how things ended who was to say that he would want to see her. She brushed a hand through her brown locks before finally pressing the button. The ringing seemed to be endless before the loading screen popped up. She took in a deep breathe as if she were diving deep into the ocean. She stared blankly at the screen she saw his image pop up. "Hey."[/color] she said softly before looking down at the keyboard. She couldn't seem to look at him even if he was miles away. "I need to talk to you. Its sort of serious"[/color] the words left her lips effortlessly as if she was going to ask him to buy more milk. She took in another deep breathe as she looked at Rex's image. She hated to admit that she missed him. He had turned her world upside down in an instant and he wasn't even aware of it.

[/color][/font][/i][/size] rex.
wardrobe,[/i][/size] lazy.
music,[/i][/size] sappy playlist.
notes,[/i][/size] let the drama ensue![/ul]
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[rex wisterwijk]

- - - - Groaning at the sound of his phone ringing sharply from some unknown corner of his room, Rex attempted to throw a pillow in that general direction - somehow thinking, in his sleepy state, that it would shut the device up. When it didn't stop making noise, he finally woke himself up to find his cell phone, if not to simply yell at whoever it was that thought it was a good idea to call him at such an ungodly hour of the day. Despite the fact that the digital clock on his dresser read a clear 03:42 PM. He'd had one too many drinks the previous night and had brought home a girl he wouldn't even remember if she hadn't been laying nearly nude in his bed when he had initially got up to pee around six am. Instinctively, he had gathered her clothing, dropped it on the bed next to her and ushered her out of his apartment before returning to the comforts of his bed. Finding his phone, he discovered a few missed calls - mostly from numbers he didn't recognize - but didn't both returning the call with so much as a text. Tugging on some clothing, Rex proceeded to toss his weight into the comforts of his couch, pushing open his laptop and attempting to formulate a coherant thought. As soon as the computer turned on and skype started ringing he muttered an audible "Fuck," before clicking to answer. Seeing the beautiful brunette on the other end, he sighed and put a cigarette in his mouth before trying to formulate a reply. Putting a cigarette between his lips and quickly lighting it, he attempted to looking everywhere but at the computer screen. Be as distracted as possible seemed to be his best trait when he was in an uncomfortable situation. He missed her, there was no doubt, he had no idea why he had decided it was okay to cheat on the girl that had been nothing but good to him. "Cool story, Vi, but I have things to do." As much as he actually wanted to know, he didn't want this to end in a conversation revolving around some "girly" matter about their relationship. "Out with it, then."

LISTENING TO true blood, ftw.
NOTES yay, but i fail. c;

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[sohvi holt]

^T

[/i][/color]heir relationship was a bit of out of the norm for Sohvi. She wasn't necessarily the type to commit to things like that without fully thinking it through. She was an intelligent girl but sometimes her logic got the best of her. She took in a deep breathe before looking at the screen as she saw the familiar sight of Rex holding a lighter to his cigarette. She missed waking up at his apartment - something very few women have actually gotten to do. She was one of the few and she was so proud but now it seemed as if she regretted every moment. She knew that he most likely thought this was some sappy talk about how he cheated or something but it was nothing of the sort. She looked at the screen before shaking her head, "I'm pregnant."[/color] she said softly still in disbelief herself. She never expected to say those words until she was thirty at least. This was never part of the plan and Sohvi always had a plan. She found it a bit impossible, they had always been safe. She couldn't believe she let something slip up and now she had to pay for it. "You're the father."[/color] she said softly as she managed to glance at the screen. She knew this conversation would be changing their relationship and also both of their lives. Something so tiny was just going to come and shake up their lives completely. "I-I d-don't know what to do."[/color] she said softly before wiping away a stray tear. She was absolutely terrified of all of the possibilities and one very unlikely one kept resurfacing in her mind. Her biological mother died giving birth to her around the very same age and it was terrifying to think the same thing could happen to her. She looked at the screen blankly before glancing away once more.

[/color][/font][/i][/size] annoying radio.
notes,[/i][/size] i rambled, haha.[/ul]
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[rex wisterwijk]

- - - - From the moment Rex had hit puberty, he had began finding ways of exploiting girls for what they could offer him with their bodies. By the time he had graduated High School he had more girlfriends than he could count and had cheated on every last one of them. When he left the pathetic Catholic school he had called home for six years of his life (including his middle school years) he had instantly made the decision to move to New York for college. He had no plan with his life, he had no particular goals. Even being in college for four years left Rex at a complete loss for what to do with his life. That being said, it also meant that he had never quite planned on a time to have kids or whether or not he was even planning on having children. There was always a chance with the girls he slept with, but it was never a worry that crossed his mind. As the words "i'm pregnant" escaped her lips, Rex could feel his temperature rise and his heart beat a bit harder in his chest. "Good for you, I don't know what you're telling me for." Even as the words escaped his lips he knew what she was getting at for telling him about this new pregnancy. Taking a drag from his cigarette as she finished off her news, Rex was left at a loss for words. There was just no way he could be a father right now. He was young and having fun, he wasn't ready to settle down and play house with someone. "I..." Rex couldn't even find the words to express himself. It felt like such an impossibility for them to have made such a dire mistake and although Rex cared about her, he was still just a selfish child attempting to pretend he was grown up. At the end of the day, he was not heartless. "I can't have a kid, Sohvi. I don't even know what to say right now, but I just know that I cannot have a kid. Maybe it's not even mine." The words were spoken deliberately, more in an attempt at convincing himself that anyone else. Part of him knew how bad she must be hurting over this but the selfish part of him that screamed "but what about my problems!" overwhelmed the words that were actually being expressed. Taking another drag, he had no idea what else to say. There was no words to express the mingled emotions of anger, frustration, nerves, and perhaps the smallest bit of joy at the mere concept that if Sohvi was pregnant, she wouldn't be able to fuck around. Feeling his own selfishness shining brightest, Rex took a deep breath before adding, "How are you doing?" If nothing else it gave him time to think.

LISTENING TO true blood, ftw.
NOTES yay, but i fail. c;

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[sohvi holt]

^T

[/i][/color]he weeks felt like months and the hours felt like days. She had been dreading this moment for what felt like forever. She went to her first doctor's appointment with Gabriel who had been very kind throughout the entire process but yet she felt entirely alone. She couldn't help but think negatively about the entire situation. She was one to think very logically and this made absolutely no sense to her. She had no idea how she could let something so careless happen but there was no way to fight the results. She had taken twenty take home pregnancy tests just to prove to herself that she truly was pregnant. She struggled with accepting the truth even though it was clear as day. She could see his nerves building after she had let those words fall from her lips. She couldn't seem to keep back the tears as they fell from her crystal blue eyes. All of his words seem to jumble into one as she closed her eyes and wished it all away - as if it would be that simple. She took in a deep breathe managed to look back at the screen. She knew he was terrified just as she was. She couldn't bother to be offended by his words - she had felt the same. "I'm fucking terrified." she whispered softly before she wiped a few tears from her face and looked at Rex once more. "I-I get it if you don't want to involved." she managed to say as she bit down on her lower lip. "... I know you never wanted this. I didn't either." she said as she tugged on the shirt that hung loosely on her small frame. She looked down at her stomach - the idea that a small child would soon be growing in her stomach. She didn't know how to care for herself much less someone who was completely dependent on her. "I don't really know what I'm supposed to do."

[/color][/font][/i][/size] the funeral - band of horses
notes,[/i][/size] more rambling.[/ul]
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[rex wisterwijk]

- - - - Taking a few deliberate drags from the dwindling cigarette, flicking the ashes off, allowing them to drift to nothing in his already filthy carpet - it was all done with the purpose of relaxing his nerves at the concept that he might have failed at protecting himself and perhaps gotten his ex-girlfriend pregnant. How it could have happened was a mystery to him. He was positive he was always safe; so sure that he pulled out in the nic of time to prevent just this from happening. "Fuck," it was about the only thing he could manage to get out without making himself sound like more of douche than he was sure she already saw him as. Seeing her tears, he instinctively - and perhaps a bit insensitively - shruggged his shoulders before confidently came to the conclusion that it simply could not be possible. "You're probably not pregnant, Sohvi, you're probably over stressed and over-analysing the whole thing. You're definitely not pregnant." Rex killed the last smoldering ashes of his cigarette before tossing the butt on the coffee table. It left both his hands far too empty, with a lot more time to tap against the hard plastic of his laptop and fiddle with random objects on the couch. Seeing the tears in her eyes, he instantly felt a pang of regret at his words. Perhaps they were split for the moment, but he didn't like to see any girl cry. "Fuck, you've gotta stop that, it'll all be perfectly fine." It would be, one way or another, it would be perfectly fine. Either she wasn't really pregnant or they could find a way to work things out. He was against abortions, but he there were other options as well. At another time he'd definitely have to suggest one of them, because even as insensitive as he may have been, he couldn't handle making her cry anymore right now. "Are you sure it's mine? I mean, I know you don't want to hear it, but I can't believe you're not sleeping with other guys since we've broken up. It's been awhile, it could be anyone!" Licking his lips and shifting uncomfortably on his sofa, he tried desperately to look anywhere but at the tears rolling down her face.

LISTENING TO svu marathon, woo.
NOTES so short, lo sientoo.

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[sohvi holt]

^S

[/i][/color]he looked up at the screen knowing he would be so happy to hear her say that she wasn't sure and maybe it was just a fluke but she couldn't. She was one hundred percent positive that she was pregnant. She couldn't quite buy it herself until the doctor said those magic words - Ms. Holt here is your baby. "I went to a doctor." she whispered softly knowing that was one of his last hopes. She tried to stop her tears but it seemed useless. She felt helpless in the entire situation and while crying didn't make her feel better it was if she just couldn't stop. She attempted to wipe away the tears that seemed to be flooding her face but it was of no use. "Its not going to be perfectly fine. This isn't part of the plan. Its all so fucked up." she managed to say showing hints of anger for the first time. She was so angry that this was out of her control. She wasn't used to this - not having any control. "The baby is yours, Rex. I haven't been able to sleep with anyone else. I've had the opportunity but." she cut herself off as she shook her head before looking back at the screen. "You're not that easy to get over." she said finally admitting it to him and herself. She took her time before looking up at him again seeing the truth finally settle in. "I don't expect anything from you, Rex." she said once more.

[/color][/font][/i][/size] the funeral - band of horses
notes,[/i][/size] more rambling / short.[/ul]
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[rex wisterwijk]

- - - - Shaking his head, Rex was completely unable to comprehend what she was saying. There was no way that she could be carrying his baby. "This isn't helping your cause, we're not going to get back together because you say you're pregnant." It was hateful and laced with anger as she tossed his excuses to the side. He watched her for a moment, his brows furrowed and his mind racing through every possible in and out that he could come up with. "Fuck." Rex was not the most articulate person in the world and situations like this, where he could no longer determine the outcome or run away, certainly brought out the worst in his vocabulary. "Just... What the fuck. You're right, this is fucked up, but I cannot be a father. Just, no. It's not in the cards right now. This thing is not ruining my life because you decided to get fucking pregnant." Cracking his knuckles to keep from throwing his laptop at a wall or turning over the entire coffee table, he could not help but feel the wealth of aggression boil in him. He wasn't typically an aggressive guy, but this wasn't exactly a typical situation either. "If you didn't expect something of me, then why the fuck did you tell me?! What the fuck are you going to do?"

[/color][/i] He was selfish and he didn't particularly care that these were certainly not the things that she wanted, or even needed, to hear at the moment. All he could think of was listening to a screaming baby at two in the morning and having to cut off his social life. What girls are going to want to be with someone with a kid? When is he going to be able to go out drinking? When was he going to be able to simply live his life?

LISTENING TO svu marathon, woo.
NOTES so short, againnn, lo sientoo.

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[sohvi holt]

^S

[/i][/color]he looked at him in disbelief of what he had just said, "You're fucking kidding, right?" She couldn't believe he would even think something like that but then again it was Rex. She could feel her anger building up as she looked at him. This was not how it was supposed to go. She was supposed to be happy about this and be in love but instead she was alone and having a child with someone who couldn't want less to do with her. "Fuck you, Rex. I would never want this and you fucking know it." She looked away from the screen too angry and frustrated. She took in a deep breathe before listening to him speak once more. "Forget it. I'll do this myself. A child doesn't need to have a Father like you." she said before she wiped the tears from her eyes. "Have fun fucking off for the rest of your life." she said angrily unable to even understand what she had just agreed to at the moment. She knew she didn't want to involve him if he didn't want to be there. This was going to be hard enough without someone being negative.

[/color][/font][/i][/size] you could be happy - snow patrol.
notes,[/i][/size] god awful, sorry.[/ul]
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[rex wisterwijk]

- - - - Instantly regretting his words - even if part of him felt it might have been true, it was deeply out of line. He cared about Sohvi a great deal and spent many days wondering why he had allowed himself to cheat on her. Ivy was hot, Ivy had been sleeping at his place almost daily after she broke up with her ex and Rex couldn't pass up the opportunity when she had finally stopped crying and started being fun again. "Dammit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I swear to God, I didn't mean any of it." Pulling another cigarette from the silver case on his coffee table, he flicked open his lighter and once again lit the nicotine stick. The entire situation was stressful and frustrating and altogether complicated, but he had no right to take it out on her, as he very well knew. However, Rex being Rex, he could barely restrain placing most of the blame on her. "We seriously need to talk about what we're going to do, Vi." As she finished her speech and wiped away her tears, he felt his anger building inside again. Clenching his jaw, he bit down on his cheek to prevent from responding with something twice as rude as he had intially started out with. Inhaling deeply, Rex was still at a loss for how he was even supposed to react to such news. "Can you just not make this about you for five seconds?" Certainly the pot calling the kettle black, but in his head he wasn't even sure he was being unreasonable with his reaction to this sudden news. "I don't think I can be a dad, so I really don't think we should do tihs. What do you think about putting it up for adoption? We can interview some people and find it a good home. "

LISTENING TO bobs burgers, lol.
NOTES blahblahhhh.

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[sohvi holt]

^S

[/i][/color]he couldn't really take his apology seriously. She knew that she seemed a little desperate to be with him at one point but that was not called for. She wasn't really accepting of his apology but this was bigger then the both of them. "Whatever Rex." She hated that she let it get to her but he had a great way of doing that. She enjoyed their time together - he had been so different from everything she was used to. The memories of their relationship also came with a bit of a pain because she had never truly stopped caring for him although she felt the same could not be said for him. The tattoo he gave her was a constant reminder of him and their last days of silence. "This isn't fucking about me, Rex. This is about our child." she said angrily as she shook her head. "I just need time to think about all of this." she said her voice barely above a whisper as she wrapped her arms around her tiny frame. She felt that if she let go she would simply fall right apart. This situation was testing her strength and she felt that it was a losing battle. "My mother fucking died giving birth to me at the same age. I-I just feel like thats going to happen to me." she finally admitted as the tears fell from her eyes. She hardly ever talked about her biological mother because it was such a sore spot. With this new situation she felt as if the irony was too much to bare and she was terrified that she was going to fall to the same tragic fate as her mother.

[/color][/font][/i][/size] stolen car - patty griffin.
notes,[/i][/size] tragedy.[/ul]
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[rex wisterwijk]

- - - - Feeling decently bipolar with his emotions towards the brunette. He wanted to hate her with all he could muster, he wanted to rage and bitch and generally be a complete dick about the entire situation, but as much as he wanted to, he still had a heart. He still have trouble looking at a girl already in trouble, already in tears, and be all that much more hurtful. The apology was sincere, but it couldn't help but feel like he needed to find a reason to be rude to her. This was in no way his fault in his mind. Why did she have to get pregnant right when he thought his life was getting on track? Cringing the second the word "our child" left her lips, he couldn't help find that entire concept to be repulsive. "See, this is the thing though, Sohvi, you told me for a fucking reason and if you didn't want me part of it's life, then you shouldn't have told me about it because i'm not going to be a deadbeat dad. You're probably pissed at me now, but I don't really give a fuck." Sucking in the nicotine and chemicals through the filter of his cigarette, Rex released the smoke through his nose and attempted to calm the beast that begged to just speak exactly as he wanted. Her speech was only picked up by about every other word. Every time she said something it was hitting his ears as if spoken under water, he simply could not comprehend the concept of having to be a father, let alone losing a girl he cared about so much and raising this child alone. Finally, sighing he rubbed his forehead and spoke as calmly as he could make himself. "You wont die, that just wont happen, and we both know it wont happen. Thats such a medeval concept and it's sad your mother died, but it seldom happens in this day and age. Just do what you're supposed to do and you'll be fine.." What he couldn't even bring himself to say outloud was the fact that if it came down to having to choose, he'd much rather have the unborn child die than Sohvi. "I don't know what to tell you, but we seriously need to discuss options." At the end of everything, Rex was determined to not have to raise a child; not now, not ever.

LISTENING TO my husband, conan.
NOTES rex is such a dick.

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