don't believe a word.

[chord upton.]

<sup>laughter filled the air of his chic uptown apartment. there was nothing for chord to be laughing at- because there was nothing but sports center on television, and he was alone- but still, it left his throat and cut through the surrounding atmosphere with a sharpness he did not expect. it woke him up from his state of lucidity, and his fingers searched the plush fabric next to him for the glass bottle of smirnoff he'd cracked a few hours earlier. time passed, and he was more than half way done with the bottle which was much more than any person needed to get drunk. this fact seeming to pass through chord's mind, he brought the rim to his lips and took a generous drink. the taste was bitter was he downed another shot of crystal clear vodka. he certainly didn't need it, but when chord got this drunk there was very little debate between the content and quantity of alcohol- if it was in front of him, he would drink it with no control. there wasn't any sort of real reason why chord got like this- other than it had become something of habit, but perhaps that was even more dangerous than if he was drinking to cope with some sort of personal problem. he was killing himself for fun- with no real reason behind it and this was naturally cause for concern.

the day hadn't been particularly stressful- but it was approaching four in the morning and by chord's standards, it was really quite early to be home. however, he'd arrived at the club rather early anyways- it had been ladies night, after all and he was never one to pass off such an opportunity but the fact of the matter was he'd had way too much to drink way too soon, and around two in the morning he'd been escoted out of his own club by body guards who were used to his sort of outlandish behavior, and were prepared to remove him from the situation as he'd requested in a moment of sobriety if he ever became too much to handle. from that point he'd made (or rather, attempted to make) some microwave nachos which were now sprawled across the counter and possibly the floor and relaxed to some television and somehow- it was truly amazing because he was literally in a state of black out intoxication managed to unscrew the lids off of several alcohol bottles and finish himself off with a nice cocktail. had be been in a brighter state of mind he would have certainly regretted doing such a thing, too powerless to admit that it wasn't really a matter of his control.

he was absolutely shitfaced and was starting to feel a little sick. the fact that he had texted- or was even texting ayla had totally escaped his mind. he sat there on his leather couch, his feet kicked up on the coffee table at an awkward angle, a complete and sloppy mess. after a moment he placed his feet on the floor in an attempt to ground himself; the room had started spinning, and he fell over. with his eyes closed, he heard his phone vibrate a few times but he didn't bother to check who was calling or even consider answering it; he was in another world in which outside problems were if very little concern to him. the minutes passed, a lot faster than he might have thought and he fell asleep- or atleast he thought he did in a sort of half lidded gaze. he jumped awake not fifteen minutes later and crawled to the bathroom before throwing up. beads of sweat lined his forehead; he feebly turned on the shower and crawled in fully clothed. sitting on the ground the water was cold but he didn't feel the difference. hands worked on the buttons of his shirt, his pants and his socks in a very labored and overcomplicated effort to remove his clothing from his body. he was shivering but it was because he felt so ill, more than because he was cold.

he probably fell asleep again. when he came to his fingers were wrinkled. the water turned off, he almost fell over trying to get out of the shower his pants never truly leaving his body. five minutes and a towel dry later he slipped a pair of underwear on. suddenly, he became aware of a noise. a tapping- sort of like the knocking of wood and he fallowed it with a perplexed look on his face. it took him a few seconds to realize someone was knocking at the door and even longer to realize who it was; ayla, he'd been texting her, hadn't he? jesus, how long ago had that been? his feet carried him to the door in a sort of broken balance, swinging it open and grabbing her by the wrist to pull her inside. he was aggressive, but not overly forceful. her slender body was pressed against the wall inside his home now, he pressed against her and he was positive he smelled like alcohol but he didn't really care. he pushed his waist towards hers, pressed his lips against her neck and kissed her softly. pressing his mouth against her ear, he whispered "you look beautiful." he meant nothing of what he said, and this type of flirtatious attitude was exactly what had caused ayla to become so confused about their relationship.</sup>

[/color][/font][/i][/size] karen.
wardrobe,[/i][/size] nom.
music,[/i][/size] ehh nothing good.
notes,[/i][/size] squee. [/ul]
[/sup][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[ayla lincoln]

To say she was a bit annoyed with the way Chord had been acting lately would be an understatement. One minute he was acting like he totally hated her, and the next, he was practically begging her to spend the night with him. He had been a huge part of her life since she had turned sixteen. The two had been on opposite ends of the spectrum throughout their entire lives. Chord was used to having everything handed to him. He had never had to work for anything he wanted. He wasn't expected to work, or do anything of the sort. Wheras Ayla, came from a dysfunctional family. She got her first job at the age of fifteen and had to work hard for everything she wanted. Ayla wasn't exactly sure how a girl like her gained the attention of someone like him.. it just happened. The girl had practically fallen head over heels for the brunette. Though he wasn't always on top of his game, there was something about him that she had found so intriguing. There was this mystery about him. This sexiness. This sense of adventure. He appealed to her, and in many ways than one. He'd given her what she had been longing after for so many years. He made her feel like an adult, and much less like a teenager. He made her life ten times more interesting whenever he found time to spend with Ayla. She'd been warned to stay away from the boy, but something about being told no made her want him that much more. Their relationship had been anything but simple. The summer before her junior year, she made one of the biggest mistakes of her life. The opportunity came, and she took it. Her virginity was taken away from her. She gave up something she had been holding on to for the last sixteen years. She let Chord Upton take her virginity in the back of his truck. That same night, she became Anna Rolf's biggest enemy. Ayla Lincoln had slept with her boyfriend. Chord Upton had cheated on Anna with Ayla. At that point in her life, she had not been one for messing things up, but at that moment she had felt so ashamed and embarassed. She had done the most unlikely thing and she knew things would probably never be the same between them. Ever.

The month after graduating high school would have been the best and worst times of her life. She had just turned nineteen, and was beginning to think about her future. Ayla had been accepted to attend Fordham University in New York City to study dance, and that would be where she'd attend for the next four years. On a reckless night, Ayla had met up with Chord and again, decided to sleep with him. Thinking nothing through, the two had gotten wasted and ended up not using protection. Without even thinking, she rushed out of his apartment and that was one of the last times she'd see him until after Molly had been born. A few weeks had past and Ayla recieved the biggest shock of her life. She found out she was pregnant.. with his child. Ayla had been one to not follow the rules. She liked doing things her way. She liked being the odd one out. Panicked, and unsure of what to do, she decided NOT to tell Chord about the child she would be carrying for the next few months. Instead, she decided to skip town and she headed to California. After Molly had been born, she showed up back in town, looking as hot as ever. Ayla had become a different person. She was much more mature, and more responsible. People noticed a change about her, and questions popped up about where she had been. After the news broke about the baby, people began questioning who the father was. Ayla refused to answer, and had only told a few people the truth. They had just assumed that she didn't know who the father was because of her promisciuous behavior. She didn't have the strength to go out and say it. She feared what Chord would say, or do. She feared what others would think of her once they found out the truth. Ayla wanted to ensure the safety of Molly, and she wasn't completley sure that Chord would have the ability to keep her safe. She trusted him, but not enough to take care of a child. A baby, in that case.

Fast foward to four years later. Ayla is now the proud mother of a four year old beautiful girl. Her name is Molly, and she is one of the happiest four year olds on the planet. She's becoming her own person, and developing her own personality. Ayla's graduated from Fordham and has a steady job as a waitress. She's also able to keep up with her friends, and continue to raise Molly. With a little help from her friends and family, she seems to be doing just fine. Her relationship with Chord has changed a lot over the years, and she's very uncertain over what to even think. She's positive about one thing, though, she's definitley in love with Chord. Over the years, he's become something much more than just a friend to her. He's become a part of her. He is the father of her child, after all. They sleep together constantly, and if he's not yelling at her for doing something stupid, he's begging her to come over. He can be sweet one minute, and aggresive the next. Chord's mixed signals are what make Ayla so confused as to what she even means to him. Even after getting into a fight earlier that night, Ayla had finally mustered up the courage to tell Chord. She figured there was nothing worse that could happen if she didn't tell him. He had been drunk while he was texting her. Of fucking course. He had begged her to come over. Wanting some company, or something. She, at first, digressed and eventually decided for his offer. All Ayla wanted was for everything to just sort of fall into place. But, she knew that things probably wouldn't be the same after this night. And there was absolutley nothing she could do about it. Except for hoping that things actually went the way she wanted them to. But when it comes to Chord, she could never tell..

After spending about fifteen minutes throwing on a messed up ensemble, she was almost ready to leave. She gave herself just the right amount of time to refreshen herself up, and fix her make up and hair. Ayla even put on the perfume that Chord liked, hoping it would soften things over with him. After calling her grandfather and making sure Molly was safe in her bed, she headed out the door. But, without saying a simple thank you and making sure he knew that she'd probably not be returning until the morning. Grabbing her purse, she made a quick exit for the door and headed out for Chord's apartment. This trip, she had been particuarly nervous. And that reason, she was completley unsure. He had never made her nervous, and things would surely not change too much after the news. After a short ten minute ride, she had finally arrived to his glorious house. Closing and locking the door, she mustered up the nerve to walk herself up the flight of stairs and knocked on the front door. Before she could even have the chance to say hello, she felt her body being slammed against the wall. Ayla could smell the strong stinch of alcohol coming from his breath and knew he had already thrown up a time or two. His body was wet, from a shower, she assumed. Cocking her neck to the side, she felt his lips touch the skin and she felt a shiver flow through her body. Rolling her eyes at his words, she placed a hand on his chest and pushed him away. "Don't kid yourself, Chord. "

[/i] Kicking off her shoes, she let her purse drop to her side. Taking a step closer to the brunette, she let her lips drop to his neck before leaving a trail of kisses. Finding her way to his mouth, she planted a kiss on his lips before jumping up and wrapping herself around his waist. "First of all, how much have you had to drink? And second, what are you waiting for?"[/font][/i] Hopefully this night would go as planned or else, things would never be the same between them, ever..




tagged,[/color] chord/james!
notes,[/color] <3 this is going to be dramatic, haha
outfit,[/color] cute, right?
music,[/color] obsessed with rihanna.. so, california king bed by rihanna
[/blockquote][/blockquote][/sub][/font]

[chord upton.]

<sup>her lips caught his in a second of celestial bliss. the warmth pressed against his skin sent nerves tingling, and he was completely entrapped in that moment. so much so, he didn't speak- didn't even breathe because he was caught in a hunger that was ayla; one that deeply needed to be satisfied. it. was. perfect. or was it? he didn't really know because his focus was skewed; he was there, kissing her, but he was also elsewhere- on his bed taking her shirt off, on his bed sleeping, in a cafe in downtown new york eating a sausage pinini and then he was back in the moment again. he broke from the kiss, surprised by her sudden weight and frankly quite unprepared for it. "woah- settle it-" he said, though his words could have been taken for anything, slurred and eratic. stumbling, he caught himself on the counters edge but all the while quite careful not to let her fall. she smelled lovely, but he was too scattered to mention it. ayla was almost irresistible- but not in the same sense as chord was. they were quite the opposite in personality- chord was flamboyant and unpredictable while the petite girl before him was far more settled and put together. in a sense they complimented each other; or atleast they would have had ayla not had a child and in such case, had much more time for the type of nonsense fuckery chord often wrapped himself in.

to chord, he found a deep sense of security in ayla. they'd never particularly gotten along; he found her to be a lot of work that he wasn't really interested in getting involved in and thus had always kept her at some sort of substantial and purposeful distance. however, as far away as chord tried to push her, ayla was always just sort of there, hovering in the background and lingering in the periphery of his sight. it was easy for everyone around him to see that he strung the girl along like some sort of puppeteer fixing the actions of his marionette- but truth be told, chord was far too selfish to ever acknowledge or even notice this fact for reality. he had sort of separated her personality from her body, and dealt with the former as more of a necessity than anything else. he felt as if he made it quite clear; he used ayla for sex, just as he used a lot of girls in the same way, but the very fact that he kept running to her after all these years was something precarious in it's own right. incredibly self-sufficient (an utter contradiction, for he'd had everything handed to him from day one) chord left little when it came to relying on others. he treated women as reusable and finally disposable- and just as there was a part of ayla that loved chord, there was a very large part of chord that hated ayla. still, he kept running back like some sort of lonely child clinging to the remnants of the very thing that had caused him perhaps, the only unhappiness he'd ever suffered in his short and comfortable life.

"enough" he stopped to reply, prying her from him for only a second in regards to how much he'd drank. this was not something that could be considered unusual for ayla- chord had been drinking far more than the average person since day one and it was in sync and predictable to his personality as it was that he would return to ayla. he laced his hand in hers- an intimate gesture and one that he should have avoided but he didn't think twice. that was probably chord's biggest flaw; he thought himself to be quite in tune and in sync with the comfortableness of society- but truth was, there was a way to have a night of mindless sex, and there was a way to have a lifetime of complicated drama. holding hands, the kissing, the heavy breathing and the compliments- these were all things did, and all things that violated the standard set of rules in the player's handbook. he never cared much; mostly because those things, the intimate things- they were all things he wanted to do with someone, even if that someone wasn't ayla. he was tired, but never too tired to play pretend. he jerked her close towards him, a mischievous look spreading across his face. he hooked his thumb in the belt loop of her skirt for only a moment, before brushing the skin of her stomach gently with his hands. unbuttoning her skirt and letting it fall to the floor, he didn't say much before walking into the next bedroom.

"are you coming or what?" he asked, his hot and cold polarity showing through in this moment. there was a good part of him that had once again, detached ayla from body and person. an uncomfortable pull had developed in his stomach, one that caused a sort of sour attitude to run through the air and everything in it. this girl was not ayla; it was, but at the same time she was just one of hundreds of not thousands, certainly dozens a week for years- of the girls he'd brought home to the same bed to fulfill some sort of deep longing inside of him for something more, and while ayla could not satisfy that longing, she could certainly dull it for the moment and that was all he could ask for. he flicked the lights off in the room. the bathroom light could have still been on- hell, the shower could have still been on but he wasn't paying attention. he threw himself on his bed, feeling very much like he was falling. "hello?"</sup>

[/color][/font][/i][/size] karen.
wardrobe,[/i][/size] nom.
music,[/i][/size] ehh nothing good.
notes,[/i][/size] squee. [/ul]
[/sup][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[ayla lincoln]

Fingers tracing the outline of his skin. Limbs intertwining with one another. The gap being closed between their bodies. The warmth exploding, causing little tiny beads of sweat to begin forming on her forehead. All of the little passionate moments made Ayla want him even more. She was certainly caught in a moment of pure bliss with Chord Upton. He gave her something she had long since longed for. Someone to give her that exhilaration for life. Someone to give her a little excitement. One who would always be there to add something.. a little flair, to her extremely low profile life. The kisses between the two had far exceeded all of her expectations and definitely exceeded any kiss she'd had prior. He knew all the right places to touch, all the right moves, and knew what buttons of Ayla's to push. There was a sexiness about the two that made their moments that much more exciting. Ayla loved the feeling of having him all to herself, even if it meant for just a certain amount of time. Even if it was just for a few hours.. he was hers for the time being. She felt comfortable where she was; straddling his waist. She felt safe there, and more in control. Letting her arms wrap around his neck, she drew her face closer to his. Settling her lips on his, they met in a moment of ecstasy as their lips crashed against each other. Tongues began colliding and things fell into place. Reaching her teeth out to bite his lower lip, she took in a smile before letting her fingers graze the back of his neck. Even though nothing had truly even happened yet, just the little touches made Ayla go crazy. Tilting her head back, she let out a soft moan. Letting her fingernails gently dig into his skin, she bit her lip as she enjoyed the moment. This was exactly what she had hoped would happen before she broke the news to him.


Nothing felt as intimate as being with Chord did. He made her feel sexy, mysterious, and incredibly amazing. He gave her something that she had wanted for so long. Ayla was in no way, shape or form ready for a boyfriend of any sorts. She had always been the kind of girl to just go for the boys that wanted the same thing as her – sex. She had met Chord her sophomore year, and ever since then they had been inseparable when it came to physical necessities. They’d go to each other whenever the other felt lonely. Whenever the other wanted something that didn’t have to include any relationship type activities, they would turn to each other. They both wanted the same thing, and knew exactly who to go for it. Their personal relationship was something that was beyond repair. They couldn’t have a civil conversation without one breaking into a fight with the other. They almost, in a way, hated each other. But then again, there was always a part of her that would somehow love him. He completed in her, but in a way she just couldn’t understand. Ayla didn’t get how someone who could be such a menace could also be very sweet at some points. They had an odd relationship, and were always at ends with each other. Ayla wanted, for so long, to tell him the truth. To just get over with it, but the minute she walked in that door, her plans got thrown out the window. And, once again she got caught up in the moment, the excitement and something.. someone, had changed her mind. She wasn’t coming her for sex. She wanted to talk. But, she fell into the same trap every single time. She couldn’t lie to herself, Ayla was a girl who liked sex. In particular, with Chord. It just.. felt completely right.


“I was just asking. No need to put up a fight here. Besides, you know I had to ask.”

[/color][/i] There it was. The instant she said something he didn’t like, he shut off the romantic moments. Only to be stunned by a thing he did nearly every time she came over. Their hands laced together. Fingers colliding with one another, the feel of his fingers on hers.. it just felt so right. Something that clearly defied the secret handbook, but yet he always tended to do it whenever they were together. He clearly never thought twice, but to her that meant that he somehow, sort of, cared about her in a way he shouldn’t. She knew their relationship was only supposed to be about mindless, no strings sex, but no matter how hard the two tried they could never push back the fact that there was some sort of chemistry between them that could never be broken. Ever. She met a boy who could make her feel angry, upset, tired, excited and happy all within a matter of moments. He was the boy for her, whether she wanted to admit it or not. She felt his fingers gently touch the skin above her skirt, and let out a sigh. His touches were so sensitive and she felt so good by just one touch. Being jerked closer to him, she let her arms wrap around his neck, and watched him undo the top of her skirt. It fell to the floor with a bang, and their hands unlaced from one other. She bit her lower lip, and let out a laugh. Letting her hands undo the top two buttons, she watched his figure disappear and she soon followed behind him. She knew where this was leading, and hell, she was looking forward to it. A night of excitement, she thought.


A rush of ecstasy flowed through her as she ran through the hall to the bedroom. Darkness had developed from the room. “Don’t rush me! I know you want things to move fast, but I’m actually trying to enjoy this. You know me, Chord. Don’t test me.”[/color][/i] she laughed as she found her way to the bed. Grabbing a hold of his ankle, she reached her way up to the mattress. Letting herself kneel before him, she let her lips graze the top of his underwear, before setting kisses on his chest. Leading up to his mouth, Ayla let a moan out before letting their lips meet again. In yet another moment of passion, she let her legs lead the way to his pillow. Plopping her head down, she found a figure breathing heavily on top of her. Naturally her legs wrapped themselves around him, her feet resting at the crooks of his knees. Wrapping her arms around his neck she pulled him closer to her. They fit so well together.. so, so well. There was an obvious attraction between them, so what was holding them back from actually igniting their relationship and letting everything just happen? Brushing her fingers through his hair, she let her hands trace the form of his back. Lips grazed the crook of her neck and she let her hands reach down to remove the pair of lacey underwear from her person. Falling back into the position, and the pillow, Ayla let herself completely relish in the kiss. Lacing her hands with his, she let them come up above her head - in their neutral position. She loved this. Just being underneath him, relishing in the heat of the moment. This was what she had loved about their relationship. It was physical, yes. But it felt a little less just about sex. It felt like them sharing such a pivotol moment, and something they were both wanting. Breaking from the kiss, she bit her lip and let her eyes rest on his. "I shouldn't say this, but I'm going to anyway.. I.. I love you, Chord.." Not even thinking, she just blurted it out. Like it was the easiest thing she's ever had to say. Letting her finger graze against his lip she looked away from him, almost ashamed. This night was bound to turn into a nightmare..


tagged,[/color] chord/james!
notes,[/color] <3 this is going to be dramatic, haha
outfit,[/color] cute, right?
music,[/color] obsessed with rihanna.. so, california king bed by rihanna
[/blockquote][/blockquote][/sub][/font]

[chord upton.]

<sup>"oh yeah?" he stated when he spoke, but she gave him little time to say much more, her lips sending muscle spasms through his abdominals. however; as chord often did, he found space to say more. "that's never been a problem for me, has it?" he wasn't asking her opinion, more waving a 'way to point out the obvious flag' in her face. granted, chord was often overly aggressive in the bedroom. he was attracted to things most people weren't attracted to- things he definitely had not shared with ayla in that sense, but at the very least had always been one to take charge. despite this- he was still a little self conscious about his performance as he was sure, subconsciously every man was. this was mostly because he had a problem of lasting <i>too</i> long, being in the mood <i>too</i< much, and it typically caused problems in most of his relationships. interestingly enough, that had been the very reason he and ayla had started sleeping together in the first place nearly ten years ago.

his teenage years had been a particularly awkward time in his life and despite the high amount of interest on the feminine side to become chord's girlfriend, facts remained that he was far too embarrassed and insecure to even think about dating- until anna came along who was simply too hot and too amazing to pass up. but there was always a downside with dating a girl who was just as fantastic as she- it became ever more apparent in his eyes (and so he thought, the eyes of others) just how unworthy he was of her. typically, this breathed way to insecurity and for a large amount of time he hid his "embarrassing medical condition" from anna- which was easy, mostly because he was banging ayla three times a day on the side. there was very little he valued in his teenage years, other than those days he spent with anna mostly because through all the insecurity and the garbage- the feelings he had were quite genuine and real and he'd never experienced something so powerful since.

he'd long since detached some sort of face to the body he was with. in any other situation, chord more than considered himself to be a visually motivated sort of fellow. hot girls in short skirts and a shorter list of morals were things that sent his body something rampant- but right now he was facing something quite the opposite. for one it was very very dark in the room they were in. he was sure the sun would be peaking it's way through the clouds in some sort of rising scenario in the next few hours but for the moment the two of them were engulphed in an opaque sort of black; a darkness that he'd seldom been exposed to. and he didn't mind it- not really. didn't even notice it, except for what was happening was really quite- unusual for the boy. his eyes were closed. not relaxed but forced shut, as if he was preventing himself from trying to look at the person on top of him- he was creating a sort of living memory in his mind; one he didn't want to spoil with so said, spoiled company.

these inebriated sort of moments were really the ones that made chord seem a lot more raw and vulnerable than he appeared to be most of the time; maybe even more raw and vulnerable than he actually even was. no longer the crass, charismatic man he was in his daytime life, alcohol provided him with some sort of warmth, and thus, melted the hard candy shell he unintentially put up. he was definitely a softer sort of person and right now, what he was doing- running his fingertips slowly across her skin instead of frantically clutching for something to grab onto. dragging his lips across hers instead of hungrily devouring them and taking in every sweet savory second of their skin brushing together on all parts of their bodies and just how perfect and soft it was. it was more easy to read too little into these factors than it was to read too much; clearly appearing more drunk and incapable than deeply and genuinely entrapped in the moment.

he crawled on top of her, mostly because he wanted to feel her weight underneath her; fragile and small and something that needed to be protecting. he rested his arms on top of hers keeping her trapped under him but not in an uncomfortable sense, all the while his mouth never leaving hers. his fingertips stretched from her leg to her thigh- up her waist and across her stomach the smoothness of everything that was her quite overwhelming but just as he remembered. when his hand reached down again she was short another garment of clothing and he hooked his thumbs in his own underwear. "beautiful-" he mumbled for a moment into her mouth acting painfully slow with his actions and his kisses and his touches. suddenly though- it all stopped and it was dizzying. her face was close to his but his eyes were still closed- and when she spoke it was something important and shocking and he knew not what to do. at first his body grew quite frigid, mostly because his deepest and most primal want; the one thing he could never truly have in his life despite how charming he was or how much money he had, had just been blasted into the celestials and affirmed in the most romantic, perfect way ever. and no one had ever said it to him, and certainly not her- not after all those years. all those years spent wanting and waiting for something- anything as a sign of forgiveness for all the terrible things he had done. his face grew much more close to hers, forehead against forhead- nose against nose. he brought his mouth quite close to her ear and whispered in a husky and drunken voice the most true words he had ever spoken. "i love you too, anna."

only it wasn't anna he was with.</sup>

[/color][/font][/i][/size] karen.
wardrobe,[/i][/size] nom.
music,[/i][/size] ehh nothing good.
notes,[/i][/size] sorry this sucksss. gahh, i had to work like thirteen hours but i should be on tonight because i don't have to work until twelve. D; as in midnight. and no i am not a stripper c;[/ul]
[/sup][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[ayla lincoln]

There was no denying that, right now, in this moment was quite possibly one of the most blissful things Ayla had ever experienced. Not only was she sharing this moment with someone she actually cared about, but for once she actually felt.. loved. Ayla had been denied love over and over again throughout her life. Her father had vanished from her life by the time she was eleven, and a few short years later, her mother disappeared. Estranged. Never to see again, just gone. She could deny it all she wanted to, but what she wanted most in life was just the feeling of being wanted. Everyone wants to feel that way, and she always wondered why it was always her that was denied that attention. When it came to Chord, he gave her that escape that she needed. He made her feel wanted, and he gave her attention. Ayla knew very well that the only thing that could ever be shared between them was purely a physical relationship. Hell, sex was both of their specialties. They both exceeded at it, and both prided themselves on being “good”. There was no question that more often than once, they would find themselves in a tangled mess the morning after. The feeling of tangled limbs all wrapped up as one made Ayla feel especially loved. She wanted nothing more than just to be wanted by someone who loved her as much as she loved them. As the years went on, she kind of felt like she would never find “the one” if she could never let go of Chord.


Ayla wasn’t one to just throw herself at any particular guy she saw on the street. She didn’t say yes to every guy who wanted her. Ayla had more self respect than she let on, and she knew when to say no, and when to let her feelings take over. When it came to Chord, he was the exception. She had never refused an offer from him, and never denied a chance to be with him. No matter how much she wanted, or tried, to push him away, he kind of always came back to her. Even if they were in the middle of a fight, he would always be the one to want her more. They couldn’t stay away from each other for more than a few days, and even then Ayla would always find herself wanting him. Over the years, she had only a few boyfriends. And just one that she could even consider being a real relationship. It happened her senior year of high school, and the two were pretty much inseparable. The relationship ended due to college, and the fact that she couldn’t help but think of Chord whenever they weren’t together.


The feel of fingertips grazing at the skin sent shivers down her body. A few moans escaped her mouth, and she couldn’t help but feel overpowered. Letting go of his hand, her fingers guided themselves to the buttons on her shirt. After a few seconds, the top was off of her body, only leaving a bra on the girls tiny figure. She couldn’t help but actually feel beautiful right now; even though she was practically naked, and lying underneath a boy who somehow meant the entire world to her. Ayla was definitely a girl to flaunt her figure rather than hide it. She didn’t like wearing clothes, and it surely shown whenever she got around him. She was free to let herself completely go, and kind of, in a way, surrender herself to his complete control. The closeness of their bodies, their skin rolling on top of each other, the kisses, the touches – she loved every moment of what was happening. She was almost addicted to everything he was doing to her, and in a way, couldn’t get enough of it.


Cocking her head back, she let her eyes roll up to the ceiling and let her hand take a tighter grip on his hand. The free hand sending traces from her leg down to her thigh and all the way up to her waist once again, sent a series of shockwaves over her body. She felt like she was completely giving herself up to him, and letting herself enjoy this moment. Ayla wanted to be completely entrapped and just let things take it’s course. She wanted everything to happen naturally, and she didn’t want to push or force anything. Ayla was usually the one for going fast and moving things along, as was Chord. But for some reason, tonight, tonight – they were taking their time. From removing articles of clothing, to the soft and tender touches, and even the subtle kisses that they had quite often been exchanging – everything just seemed so much slower than normal, and she wasn’t exactly sure how she felt. The lips met again, and Ayla let her teeth take a bite on his lower lip before letting a kiss happen before them. “What’s beautiful?”

[/color][/i]After she had said the few short words she needed to, everything seemed to freeze. The moment that was so wonderful had almost completely come to a screeching halt. Before she could get up and run and find her clothes, their bodies came in closer than they’d been before. She felt his mouth near her ear and he whispered, “I love you too, Anna.”[/i] Her heart fell, and she froze. “I’m.. Ayla.”[/i] A mistake. A definite mistake. Before he could stop her, she lifted herself up from his grasp, and looked him in the eye. She was about to break down, and she wasn’t quite ready for him to see her like this..


tagged,[/color] chord/james!
notes,[/color] LOVE. sorrrrrry for ze ending!
outfit,[/color] cute, right?
music,[/color] luke bryan, ragtime, rihanna, and other shittt
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[chord upton.]

<sup>he could have thrown up. if not from intoxication than from the swift change in atmosphere that occurred so quickly it was possible he would suffer from a case of whiplash in the future. one question remained prominent in his mind: what the fuck did i just do? despite how he acted, the last thing chord really wanted to be was an asshole. sure- he had asshole tendencies. it was easy to mistake him for an asshole if he was just walking down the street, and frankly he wouldn't be nearly as successful as he was today if he didn't hold that almost asshole aesthetic close to heart . being said, he never wanted to hurt anyone- not intentionally and especially not ayla. and this wasn't because he held any sort of emotional promise towards her- it wasn’t because he considered her a particularly fragile person that had suffered a particularly intense amount of misfortune in his life and while he didn't want to be the one to clean that mess up, he certainly didn't want to contribute anymore to her unhappiness. a second question came into his mind only moments later: how could this have happened?

a flirtatious person by nature, and perhaps a little more with ayla on average- he could not pinpoint one defining moment where he'd treated her any differently than the slew of women he brought back to his apartment on a daily basis. if anything, he'd treated her with a substantial amount of disrespect just because he found her to be more clingy than the rest of the woman in his life, and like a dog being toilet trained, ayla had to constantly be reminded of her place. but maybe he'd been giving her exactly what she wanted unintentionally. maybe, had he treated her a little nicer- a little more like a lady she would have found him all that much less interesting. maybe the demon in chord had brought out the child in ava, and by that sense alone he'd opened doors that might never close. there was a solemn look on his face that deaged his face by years; his hand was still linked in hers. as soon as he noticed this he pulled away from her as if he'd just touched something very hot; and in a sense, he was quite burned.

their bodies were entwined at an incredibly awkward angle, only adding a little more mortification to the incredibly awkward, incredibly uncomfortable moment that they were in. and he started to panic- really he did, because now there was a little light peeking through his from his hallway now that his eyes were open and he was starting to see her face- and he felt like an incredible jackass. more than that though, he was zapped from his fantasy and faced with a conformation; that she was correct. she was indeed ayla, and because that was the case, he could not be with anna. he'd learned long ago the two traveled at conflicting polarities- you could only have one in absence of the other or catastrophe occurred. he couldn't ever recall being in such a position- utterly speechless and with out a inkling as how to proceed. the haunted, hollow look on her face said it all. chord had crossed a line that was not as easily reverted as it was progressive. there was a good chance that there was no coming back from this moment, and that escaped a fear in him he didn't quite understand. he jerked away from her- that's really what it was, just as a deer jerked when it saw headlights or a child jerked when they were caught doing something they knew they shouldn't have been. a habitual movement, a reaction and a coping mechanism that had been newly developed and almost certainly unhealthy.

as soon as they were no longer touching he felt better; but not as well as he would have hoped. it was as if the misery in his body and escaped into the air around him by terms of meiosis, and simply radiated in the room as a permanent reminder of what had just happened. he wondered if the feeling would ever lift. he was sitting on the edge of his bed now, back towards her because he didn't want to meet her eyes. a deep and hollow sigh escaped his chest. he still did not feel better. burying his head in his hands, he thought carefully of what next to do but his mind was frozen and with out solution. one thing was for certain- he didn't want to take those words back- mostly because from the very moment they'd left his lips they'd felt incredibly right; perfect. more so than anything he'd ever felt and now that the moment of completeness was over he was quite unsure how to handle it. for the first time in a long time he wished that he wasn't drunk. he saw two ways of going about what he'd brought upon himself; reconnaissance of abandonment, and recovering the situation seemed nearly impossible, because the only option would have been an abandonment of his pride. to collapse at her feet and profess that he was sorry and quite the fool and of course it was beautiful, amazing, sensitive ayla that held his heart. but the thing was- nothing could have been more untrue and while he cared for her, wanted her to be happy, he was far too selfish to ever do such a thing.

"fuckk." he groaned, running a hand through his hair in a nervous sort of action. his feet were tapping on the ground. his knees were knocking together. he felt so full of energy he might burst- but at the same time everything was lopsided and dizzy. "yeah." he stated, shaking his head at himself. "i know." he wasn't trying to be cold- he was trying to be as sensitive as possible but sensitive wasn't something chord did despite his best efforts. "look, i'm sorry ayla. i'm retarded- i-" he looked at her for just a second, having to turn away because he found himself too full of cowardice to keep eye contact. "that isn't what i want from you- i didn't mean to make you feel that but i'm not interested in you like that. at all." he ended the end for emphasis, but did not like the finality and harshness of it. "look- i mean. sorry. i think you need to go." he would have gotten up and walked away. he would have done a lot of things.</sup>

[/color][/font][/i][/size] karen.
wardrobe,[/i][/size] nom.
music,[/i][/size] ehh nothing good.
notes,[/i][/size] squee. [/ul]
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[ayla lincoln]

For the first time in her twenty three years, she felt the pain of a heartbreak. Ayla had sworn that she'd never let herself too close to a guy to even be in the possible situation where he could hurt her. She didn't want to be the one hurting. She didn't want to deal with the aftermath and the awkwardness that would soon follow after she was dealt with such a blow. Ayla almost prided herself on being the girl that avoided the heartbreaks, the break ups and the ups and downs of relationships. This was the very reason that relationships just never suited her, and the very thing that she wanted to stay away from. They naturally just brought more trouble to her life, and Ayla was sure she didn't need more of it. Between Molly and her job, and dealing with her family, she didn't want to have something else to worry about. Part of the reason she never got seriously involved with guys was because she truly was so afraid of getting hurt. She watched her life fall apart in front of her eyes throughout her years, and had suffered such pain from that, that she couldn't possibly imagine what it felt like. Ayla didn't want to be in a situation where she'd become physically and emotionally attatched to someone and not have those feelings reciprocated. Her deepest fears were suddenly all coming true. The one guy she had actually allowed herself to fall in love with would be the one guy to cut her deep, and hurt her in the worst possible way ever. She'd never recall a time that she had ever feared a possible heartbreak.. especially one involving Chord. From the moment Ayla had met him, she knew he'd only bring her trouble. People constantly telling her to stay away from her; that he was bad news. They told her he caused most of the issues around the academy, and had already such a reputation for himself - only being a sophomore at the time. She had never been one to actually follow the rules, and because of everyone telling her no, she defied and rebelled. Ayla met Chord on a chance, and ever since then, things just seemed to always put the two together. Ayla couldn't exactly tell you when and why she had fallen in love with the one guy who was completley wrong for, but she had. And there was no denying how much she wanted them to work out, but with their history and the way they both are, that could never.. ever, happen.

Ayla wouldn't like to be called one of the girls that is constantly all over a guy. Nor did she want to be degraded as desperate or clingy - but somehow, she had lived up to the two things she never wanted to be. Those things just naturally came to her because she finally had someone that wanted the same things as her. It wasn't like Ayla wanted to come across as clingy or desperate, but it naturally happened. She didn't think she was ever that clingy, but it was apparent to Chord and others around her. If anything at all, she felt a little bit more closer to Chord than other women, except Anna. She would be forever known as the girl who destroyed the precious relationship. Ayla was the one who had slept with Chord even when he was with Anna. That very first time was the start of everything for them. The start of the fights, the endless nights, the drunken memories, the beginnings of the long journey she had taken with him - it started everything. Everything about the two of them had been built on top of events that happened during the four long years of high school. Both had suffered different hardships and lonliness in their lives and had turned to each other during a time when they really needed someone. Whenever the other was lonely, just a simple phone call or text was all it took to get near each other. They had.. sort of in a way, become inseparable. Bound together by a connection that somehow started from just a one night stand. That one night stand turned into a long lived fling and eventually lead to the events that were lying before them. In front of their very eyes, trust was being broken, and everything was sort of lying on the surface. It was impossible to even concur the events that were soon to folow. Ayla wasn't even sure if she could survive the next few minutes without letting herself completley go into her feelings. She'd never shed one tear in front of anyone before. She'd never let herself show emotion. Ayla never broke down in front of people because she feared what others might think of her once she had torn down the walls that she had spent years building. She spent forever trying to convince others that she was this strong, well rounded girl, but at the very tip of everything, she could fall apart in a split second. Ayla had only suffered a few breakdowns in her life, and she wasn't about to let Chord see this vulnerable side to her. Only, she was so afraid that the latter was about to happen. And, there was only so much she could to stop it from happening.

At this very moment, she had never felt so far away from Chord as she did now. Though they were only sitting at opposite ends of the bed, there was more of a distance than she could've ever imagined. Complete silence filled the dark room, only to be broken by a bit of light peeking out through the hall. Articles of clothing still remained around the room, and nothing felt as it did moments ago. The moment that seemed to be so special to Chord was now facing the dark reality that he had made a huge mistake. In a way, Ayla almost felt the same way. Maybe it had been easier and better if she had avoided saying those three words. The three words that could be taken in so many ways. I love you can be said to a pet, a family member, a best friend, someone special or someone you barely know. She'd never been one to say it, and let alone be the first one to approach those three forbidden words. She'd never said to anyone she had been in a relationship with. Never said to her mother, and only to her father a few times before he had passed on. Her daughter, she quite often reminded her as many times as she could. To pets, yes. Friends, yes. To Chord? Never, at least, until now. Her fingers grabbed at the shirt laying next to her, slipping her arms in, she found Chord's back to her. A tear falling from her eye, hit Ayla's leg. This was the part she hated the most. In a few seconds, her underwear found themselves back up to her legs and sat right on her hips. Walking around to where Chord was, she kneeled down beside him. Letting her arms fall to his legs, she let her eyes catch his. "No..

[/color] She couldn't even finish her statement, because the words he was saying were become even more apparent right now. He was trying to be sweet, but things were just not going the way she wanted. "I can't leave without.. Chord.. maybe it was a mistake coming here."[/font][/i] No, it wasn't a mistake. It was just a mistake of speaking the truth and letting her feelings overcome her. She'd never deny that tonight wasn't what she wanted. She just didn't want it to end like it had. It ended horribly, and quite possibly.. she was ashamed for the first time in her life. In all honesty, it was all her that had done the wrong doing. "I was wrong for thinking you'd ever feel the same. You love Anna. You don't have to be like this. Just.. go on. You clearly don't need me."[/color][/font] Her voice was beginning to shake, and tears were flowing out of her eyes. She was letting herself be vulnerable in front of him. She was embarassed. Letting herself up, she turned away from him and walked over to the window. Taking one last look at him, before letting herself completley fall to the floor. She was having a breakdown. A real breakdown. In front of the one she loved. "I'm sorry, I really am. I shouldn't have come.." The latter was true. She wished she never accepted his invitation. She could've avoided the events that had just unfolded before her.. saved her a little heartbreak, at least..


tagged,[/color] chord/james!
notes,[/color] they kill me. absolutley kill me. </3
outfit,[/color] cute, right?
music,[/color] sameeee stuff.
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