chord upton.
RESIDENT [/sub][/i] [/center]
melissa.
Posts: 376
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Post by chord upton. on Aug 22, 2011 22:06:49 GMT -5
he was certainly no where near as drunk as he should have been. he walked down the street, the new york lights creating an array of colors that blurred and blasted through his mind, offering a fantastic distraction. his mood was anxious, his eyes were tired, his attire was relaxed and his blood alcohol content was well above the legal limit. he was thankful that he brought a jacket, disappointed with the nights temperature. the more recent days had taken a nippy turn, signaling the beginning of autumn, and thus, the ending of summer. this naturally meant the end of the tan skinned, bleach blonde flossy women he found so particularly interesting. he ran a hand through his hair. it was near four in the morning, but it was a saturday and he was more than sure that anna would anticipate his late arrival. frankly he wouldn't have had it any other way. the high paced social scene offered his personality some sort of lubrication; essentially, he was much more likable than usual.
it would have been a lot easier for anna to just meet him at his home, but somewhere in his mind he felt as if he was acting chivalrous. it was after all, the least he could do. in his heart of hearts, the soul emotion that was running through his body was this consciousness that he was acting ridiculous. that he was seriously being an idiot right now; setting himself up for what would be certain failure, and it caused a blush to taint his cheeks. he wasn't used to being so self conscious- atleast not visibly so, but that was the way that anna made him. at twenty-four years old he was taken back to a time when he was nineteen and it was a place he rather would have not visited. in truth, his relationship with anna had been based on nothing but issue after issue and he respectfully accepted all the blame. for one, when he was alone with her he acted like a completely different person than he was when he was around others. for two, he did truly feel exposed around her. nervous and self conscious, unworthy and most importantly embarassed of who he was. all of these feelings of self doubt were now more prominent than ever. he was struggling to muster up some spark of charisma; he didn't want to fuck this up.
which was so ridiculous. of course he was going to fuck this up- in his mind there was no way that it could actually go well. his facebook stalking had kept track of anna's past relationships for the last year or so, and for awhile he'd even heard a rumor that she was engaged. that being said, there were other people that had loved anna; and other people that anna had loved. he was no longer a factor, and thus, he was most certainly going to make a complete idiot of himself. still, his feet kept moving on- because he knew this entire thing was terrible and wrong, but he had this feeling in the center of his stomach that was expressing the need for this. he didn't even know what he expected other than failure- and it was almost all he would accept. he wasn't so terrible a person that he would lie to her again and say he could forget his inhibitions and love her the way she deserved to be. but he did-- you know, feel that way, and had for years, and it needed to be said. to her, and not to other women in the dead of night.
he stopped at a bar to have another drink- one last hurrah before continuing to her townhouse. hitting the buzzer, her voice appeared though the speaker and she sounded tired, but she let her in. the hairs were standing up on the back of his neck. he didn't need to knock on the door, because she was standing there holding it open looking as beautiful as ever. he gave her an award winning smile, and a glance up and down. "you are just about the most sexy thing i've ever seen." he stated before letting her way to make himself in.
[/color][/font][/i][/size] eliza. wardrobe,[/i][/size] nom.music,[/i][/size] ehh nothing good. notes,[/i][/size] blahh melissa fomat yeah! [/ul] [/sup][/blockquote][/blockquote] |
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Post by gisele hershlag on Aug 24, 2011 19:03:39 GMT -5
---SHE needed a drink, fast.
---THOUGH Anna had been quite honest in her conversation with Chord that she wanted him as sober as people could possible be when he visited her suite in an hour, she on the other hand was so shaken with nerves and slight regret at what she had proposed for their evening, that she allowed herself a drink.. or two of her own. She moved to the kitchen, her hands yanking open the mahogany cabinet doors to reveal a neat line of glassware. Her hand wandered over the various kinds and sizes, before she pulled out a simple shot glass and placed it on the counter. Seconds later, she closed her eyes and leaned her thin frame against the refrigerator, enjoying the familiar drug effect that had begun to relax her tensed body. Anna had realized that toward the end of their conversation his insecurities were actually being made known to her. For the first time in years since their break up, her curiosity of his vulnerability led her to have a small inkling to touch him again and to have his lips against her own, even if it was for the last time. She had loved him once, though had barely ever stated it to him during their whirlwind romance, as she had feared he did not feel the same. Her own insecurity had actually saved her though, as in the end, his cheating solidified in her mind that she was merely a body to him after all.
---OF the many faults to befall the blonde, her most troublesome was her refusal to forgive. Second chances had been foreign words to Anna for many years, and she would readily admit it was born from her relationship with Chord. She gained a battered and bruised heart the day she found him sleeping with Ayla, a needy girl with a whorish demeanor, and the mere mention of her name still drove Anna to want to find her and claw her to death. Though she blamed them both in the destruction of her heart that day, it was Chord she put the most blame. He had played with her, taken advantage of her vulnerability and eventually ripped her heart from her and tossed it into the trash. Anna believed that when she was with him, she became too soft and it was because of that that she fell into his trap with ease. A girl normally know for her brilliant manipulation and social skills, it came to a shock to many that her romantic relationships always seemed to flub somehow. She became frustrated and clearly obsessed with the fact that she had been tricked by a simple act of the heart. Never again she would say, and she stuck by it as it ate at her for years. She remained in loose relationships and lived with that spite up until she met Malcolm Kinney. Though he and Chord had similarities, he was the first boy to be completely honest with her, despite how hurtful it was. He was also the first to tell her he loved her and genuinely made her feel it, even during the worst of times. He was also the first to teach her to forgive, a huge feat and one in which she used as a way to reevaluate all her past decisions in life. And despite all their arguments and problems, she realized early on that she could not and would not be without him.
---AS she slowly made her way into her bedroom and slipped on a simple form fitting thigh length black dress, Anna realized that though she felt Malcolm was her soul mate, she couldn’t deny that Chord’s presence would stir the pot a little. Though she was still incredibly angry with him, she did wish for genuine closure. And whatever that type of closure entailed, whether it was a speech added with simple hug or something more to feel what they once had again for the last time, well, Anna was somewhat positive that in her current state she’d take what she could get. She had hoped it would be a time where feelings could be laid out clean and the two of them could come to terms with the then and the now and how no matter what, it was too late to go back. Instead of arguing and losing her voice in some mad hollering match, Anna wanted to be calm and resonant. She was curious to know what he had to say, though she also couldn’t help but think he could only be doing this to sleep with her again. If that was the case and he wished to be false, she’d turn him out on his ass for good and with no remorse whatsoever. As she made her way slowly out of her bedroom, she picked up her pack of cigarettes and pulled one out. After lighting it she casually placed it to her lips and inhaled, instantly closing her eyes as the white smoke exited through her nostrils and into the air. She rubbed her temples gingerly with her fingertips before walking over to the kitchen counter again and downing another shot. She closed her eyes tightly for another second before they shot open at the buzzing noise that signaled Chord’s presence.
---ONCE she buzzed him in, she ran a hand through her long blonde hair and pursed her cleanly painted red lips, while keeping one hand on the opened door and leaning her frame against it. When he arrived she felt a shiver run down her spine and immediately she placed the slowly dying cigarette to her lips again and casually blew the smoke into his face. And with an added small roll of her eyes and a smile, she spoke. “Yea, of course I am. I must give credit to the Versace. It tends to do wonders on my frame.
[/i]” Once he had entered she spun around on her heels and finished the last of her cigarette, before discarding it in the ashtray that remained on her glass coffee table. Anna’s penthouse was very sleek and modern, the paintings, rugs and general furniture gave away a woman who was very neat and decorative. She had always been that way, even in her hometown of London, where she kept a posh pad as well since she was eighteen. She was a successful woman at twenty-four years of age, and she took deep pride in that. Chord was also successful nowadays or more so than years before, and she couldn’t help but be just a little proud of what he accomplished since they were together. Anna soon took a seat on the couch and patted the seat next to her, her green eyes watching him carefully as he made his way to follow. “ So, you’ve got me curious Huggy Bear,[/font][/i]” she teased with a small smirk. “ All these years we’ve been apart, and my clear distaste for you before obviously helped elongate it, but why now? Like.. what's so important that you needed to see me again, hm?[/font][/i]” The bluntness was very characteristic of the blonde, and as she crossed her legs and rested her elbow on the couch and then her head in its open hand, she awaited to see how he would respond.
OUTFIT yeeppp.
MUSIC one republic - good life.
NOTES way longer than i thought. but, yea. it's up finally. and will definitely get shorter next post.
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chord upton.
RESIDENT [/sub][/i] [/center]
melissa.
Posts: 376
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Post by chord upton. on Aug 25, 2011 7:55:41 GMT -5
chord often thought of anna in the years since their break up. they both went off to bigger and better (debatably) things, but he still saw her around; walking into chanel, stopping at the cafe she'd ritualized years ago for coffee, and of course, at the club- but they all served as reminders of what he did not have, so he kept the encounters brief. not to mention, there seemed to be a small part of anna that held a great amount of detest for chord. in his most true form, chord didn't see much wrong with cheating on anna. he'd long since justified it in his mind for a thousand different reasons, and acted sympathetic only because he knew it bothered her. and he felt guilty- for that reason only; because he'd never, ever want to do anything to hurt anna, and he had, that upset him. but perhaps if he had taken all the right paths, made all the right moves- made her fall for him in a way that would mark him down as the love of her life- and this, allowing him to discover his true self- well, maybe that would hurt her way more than anything he could ever do to her in the physical sense.
the reason why he'd cheated on anna was clean cut and linear: he was insecure. not because of his looks, which were par, or his wealth, which was substantial, or his intelligence, which was proven on paper. he was insecure because of him. because of who he was, and that was the biggest problem of all. he also had an insatiable sexual appetite; so much so it was freakish and enough to turn any girl (any girl he was serious about) away. he'd always put anna on a pedestal, and it was probably foolish and certainly boyish- but those were all things that chord was. anna had been back then, and still was the only person he'd ever maintained any sort of tangible relationship with mostly because chord knew nothing of love, and anna never pressured him to learn.
which was probably best. chord was the type of person that needed as much distance as possible when it came to anything emotional. it wasn't that he considered himself too masculine for emotions- it was just that few people had ever given chord the time of day to express himself, and the little practice had caused beautiful, emotional moments to pass him by as something awkward and rather not indulged in. he'd thought about her like crazy that first year- much less when he found out she had a boyfriend, and then for awhile not at all. but a night with the most annoying girl on the planet, otherwise known as ayla: destroyer of all worlds had caused for an escape in subconscious, and it caused him to think. maybe even over think, but chord was mostly a coward and the fact that he felt so passionately about expressing his feelings to someone so clearly opposed to hearing them spoke mountains for how much the self-confession had moved him.
the carcinogen-ridden cigarette smoke that soon made contact with his face was absolutely disgusting. for someone that adored all the vices, smoking was one he'd never taken to, and after being exposed to enough second hand smoke to last a lifetime in the club, he'd really become disgusted by it. "what the fuck, anna!" he exclaimed. he could remember those cigarettes and the long narrow fingers that brought them to soft lips. he could remember smoky kisses that weren't as awful as he'd expected because he was with her. he could remember the two of them not talking for days over stupid arguments; at the moment, anna lighting up in his car. he closed the door behind them, giving her a push out of his way, and making sure that she walked in front of him as they went, mostly because he was a man that could appreciate a view. she sat on the couch and he stared at her tits for a minute before a shiver went down his spine at three syllables from hell: huggy bear. "god damn it," he exclaimed, tuning her out for a moment, only because he'd just become aware that he'd forgotten the garmet bag he'd intended to bring with him: the gift for her, and all of a sudden he felt incredibly flustered. it was no secret he used gifts, his money essentially to butter women up- so much so that he felt incompetent with out some sort of offering.
and then she cut to the chase. because that was what anna did, and he'd always admired her for it, mostly because he hated most kinds of direct conversation. and he felt like a complete jackass. but he spoke quickly- maybe a little too quickly rushing to get the words out. "don't get ahead of yourself, i think your misjudging the situation. i'm by no means dying to see you, anna rolf." he spoke in a flamboyant, showy tone of voice- one he most notably used for business, because he was trying to sell anna on an idea. the one that stated he wasn't a complete tool. "i just- i mean, we were important to each other once, right? and it's not really that often that people are important to each other, so when people are important it's best to try and preserve the importance, don't you think? even if it's sort of rough edged like importance. fuck, anna. i don't know. i sound like a fucking idiot. and i forgot your bag."
chord really knew nothing of love. but he knew what he felt, and that was something.
[/color][/font][/i][/size] eliza. wardrobe,[/i][/size] nom.music,[/i][/size] ehh nothing good. notes,[/i][/size] falling asleep right nowww [/ul] [/sup][/blockquote][/blockquote] |
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Post by gisele hershlag on Aug 27, 2011 2:30:06 GMT -5
---FROM the moment she allowed him into her home, watched as the white smoke swirls from her cigarette caused him to stiffen and have his old foul reaction, and now his body close to her own on a shared couch - it all made Anna regret her decision immediately. Her nerves were finally twisting her arm, pinching her to wake up from this dream that would be far from reality. Allowing the man she once loved who also caused her great heartbreak over to have a civil conversation, could not and would not ever go over smoothly. With her quick to judge demeanor heightened by anxiety and old physical desires, it would become enough to cause the kettle to steam quicker than planned. Though she often tried to portray herself as one who was constantly strong emotionally, she wasn't always. Anna was guarded, social to an extent but mostly mysterious and guarded when it came to her personal life. She was a talented liar most of the time, living by her own very rules and causing those around her to play her own game. But that was business talk, and at the work place she was the queen and all others were her unfortunate servants. But with men, men she could actually see herself with.. she fumbled, and she fumbled hard. And here Chord was about to make her fumble once more, as the longer he sat there and the more she could feel and smell his presence, the more she ached for him. It made her flush, as she was beyond frustrated that she could even be a tiny bit inclined to feel for a man who she also hated to no end. Perhaps taking those shots earlier had been a horrible idea after all.
---SHE wasn't ready for this. Aimlessly tugging at the hem of her dress and then clicking her acrylic nails together during a few moments of spastic jitters, Anna gave a sarcastic laugh as he tried to reason with her that he hadn't been dying to see her. He was a terrible liar and Anna merely rolled her eyes, followed by a smirk that didn't leave her face until he attempted to explain his reason for coming. He started off so choppy that it caught Anna off guard. Chord had never had trouble speaking to her before, and as he struggled to get his point across to her, Anna's stomach jumped and dropped as she eagerly tried to catch a word or words that would give an answer to his uncharacteristic spiel. This vulnerable moment was intriguing as it was nerve racking and Anna struggled to keep her cool. After a moment she looked at him somewhat quizzically before sighing and tucking some blonde hair behind her ear. “Well yes, I suppose so. We-- or should I say you were once important to me. Maybe a little too important, I fell too quickly for you. A stupid little girl thing i've learned from and gotten over...
[/i]” she responded, yet with little firmness and more uneasiness than she had expected. He was making her nervous, which was not part of her plan. Why couldn't he just come out and say what he really meant? If he didn't she was positive she'd end up being brutal in order to hide her sudden emotional weakness, or blab about their painful past which would get her worked up to tears. ---WHEN he swore, she jumped a little in her seat, her own confusion and stress getting the better of her. She quickly reached for her pack of cigarettes on the glass table in front of them, but her shaky hands would not allow her to grip the white and red Marlboro pack. “ Jesus fuck. Why can't I just have one more cigarette!?! Just... ugh, I don't care about the purse, okay?[/font][/i]” She finally stopped moving and took a deep breath before releasing it slowly and then looking over at him. In a split second something came over her and as she chewed on her lower lip, the blonde reached out and let her fingers touch his slightly. It was a gentle touch, but when she felt a shock, she quickly pulled back and placed her hands in her lap again, with her mind brought back to their current conversation. “ You slept with Ayla all those times yet you won't tell me why I wasn't enough for you. And then you say you miss me but you won't even tell me why either.[/font][/i]” she sighed, her frustration and annoyance with him becoming more apparent. “ We can't preserve anything if it's not there anymore, Chord. And that truly depends on what it is you want me to know. Because right now, i'm at a loss as to what you even mean.[/font][/i]”
OUTFIT yeeppp.
MUSIC one republic - good life.
NOTES <333
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chord upton.
RESIDENT [/sub][/i] [/center]
melissa.
Posts: 376
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Post by chord upton. on Aug 27, 2011 9:16:03 GMT -5
"go ahead, light up" he groaned, giving his resistant permission for her to smoke a cigarette. mostly because she didn't have to stop doing what she wanted because of him, and truth she probably deserved a night full of slack on his accord. he found himself confused but strangely at ease when she spoke. admittedly, he had no fucking idea what to say. he doubted 'hi, i'm an asshole and i think you're just perfect wannabewithmeforever?' would do the trick. anna was a perfect example of the disparities between what chord actually wanted and what he thought he wanted. if any girl, any matchmaker or even his mother asked him what he looked for in a woman, his answer was simple: easy. and not just in the sexual sense, but in every other sense.
chord didn't want to have to spend fifteen minutes fighting about where to go to dinner. he just wanted to go. he didn't want to have to censor himself when he was at work; he wanted to dance and touch and meet with whoever he wanted (on a simply professional manner, of course) and do so with out the annoyance of his of-the-moment hovering over his shoulder. he didn't want drama, he didn't want attachment, he didn't want bullshit. as with most things, anna delivered on all of the above, and chord dealt with it- because it was exciting and fresh and it kept him on his toes. this was not the case for any other girl, but that might have been purposeful. some sort of dismissive reaction to any woman that came into his life that wasn't anna. she was special, she was different, and he wanted her. more so than he had wanted anything in a long time.
after his moment of reflection, he finally saw purpose. he was acting ridiculous; this was anna for christ sake. he'd known the girl for years but in the same sense they didn't really know each other. years had passed with out true interaction, he was sure he'd changed in some sense just as she. they'd both gone on, done other things and other people. there was literally no reason to rekindle this relationship. chord was a great person, but he was twenty four and he was by no means looking to settle down. anna was endlessly beautiful and a thousand other guys would kill to have her (though somehow he got the idea it wasn't quite as challenging). the statistical value of this scenario did not look good. if he was a gambler, he wouldn't throw a nickel into this conversation turning into anything positive, but he accepted this. he'd weighed the pros and cons before this coming over, and he'd decided that he was going to do this, so he needed to stop acting like such a little bitch and assert himself. "you know what, anna? you're right." he stated, inspired by her words; preserve and her touch and he got down infront of her because he thought it was a little more inspiring and theatrical.
"you've got it ass backwards. we were practically kids back then, i was insecure and you were a great catch. it's no secret i'm a weirdo," he flashed her a litlte smile because he was trying to play this off with charisma and charm, and keep the situation light. "from my perspective i wasn't good enough for you. " he felt a little sappy, a little corny and frankly still a little ridiculous but he tried to keep his insecurities tucked in because if he let them out he would completely loose the goal of the conversation. he lifted his hand to smooth her skirt which had become wrinkled in her movements, keeping his eyes locked with her own. "but that being said- the fact that we were kids and how long ago that was. i still think about you all the time. and i don't mean that in a creepy way, just in a really genuine sort of way. like at christmas time and when i'm alone in bed or when i go to central park, the places that were special to us, you know? and it might not be normal or weird, but it's the way it is. take it how you want."
[/color][/font][/i][/size] eliza. wardrobe,[/i][/size] nom.music,[/i][/size] ehh nothing good. notes,[/i][/size] falling asleep right nowww [/ul] [/sup][/blockquote][/blockquote] |
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Post by gisele hershlag on Sept 5, 2011 1:25:13 GMT -5
---ONCE he knelt down before her, his hands finding her bare knees and grasping them lightly, she froze as the action he was performing made her heart leap and an honest shiver to run down her spine. For a second she almost believed that he was to propose, a silly and quite ridiculous thing that should have been laughable, and in that moment, Anna should have joked about it… but she hadn’t. And the fact that she sat there, mesmerized by his handsome face once again as her heart fluttered and beat about in her chest, it became all the more apparent to the blonde that what she thought she had shut away deep within her, everything she had felt about him before, she clearly hadn’t fully gotten over. It was no secret Anna had always been a young woman who wanted a stereotypical marriage – the husband, the children, the nice home on some grand avenue. It was her cliché wish in life and she was never afraid to admit to it. As a child she watched her own parents struggle with their marriage, both high time lawyers who took their jobs more seriously than their love and family commitments. Anna and her elder brother Damon watched as their family soon became one that was held together simply for appearance sake, at high end London social events and lengthy business trips that drove their parents to take them along in order to not get social services on their tail. On the outside the Rolf family displayed the perfect wealthy English family, but on the inside things were as dead as anything could be.
---MEMORIES of her past with Chord soon began to flood her mind as he spoke to her, his words coming in and out of coherency as she blinked and watched him blankly. Was her just trying to be charismatic again, or was this truly the truth? Apart of her wanted to snarl at this sappy attempt to swoon her, but another that soon outweighed her normal reaction, caused her to shake her head and sigh, sympathy soon overtaking her. “If you weren’t good enough for me, I wouldn’t even have tried for you Chord,
[/i]” She said flatly, her own emotions going haywire and them currently not matching up to her tone of voice. She slowly tried to regain control of these feelings that she had once thought she had bottled up at cast away at sea a long time ago. But now with him here, she felt herself becoming weaker, in her sense of the word at least, and she was unaware as to why she was. The man broke her heart, why on earth was she still allowing him to stay, to have words with her when the conversation was clearly starting to go in a direction she just realized she wasn’t ready for, not really and probably not ever? When he began to talk of how he thought of her all the time, and of the places that they used to constantly visit and make their own, she felt sick to her stomach. But she soon caught on to the middle bit, the part of him in bed, and quickly snapped up the opportunity to berate him. “ Alone in bed… so what, is this your attempt at some way to win me back over so you can just fuck me and leave? Fuck you.[/font][/i]” Her voice was somewhat loud and her tone seeming both questioning and slightly upset, and the crack in her voice towards the end making it all apparent. Though it would seem from an outsiders perspective that Chord seemed genuine and not in any way trying to damage her, Anna, emotionally confused at the moment, wanted just one word or even a phrase that she could twist in order to make him the bad guy all over again and she back in control. ---SHE was bothered by the fact that she honestly believed him, wanted to touch him, to kiss him, to make up, when it made no sense since she had another boy who held her heart. How could one person have feelings for two men? This was a phenomenon that even a high IQ businesswoman such as Anna could not even explain. This wasn’t logic, as the heart did things that sometimes could never truly be explained. And it was that knowing, that simple knowing that made her feel stuck with confusion that was driving her up a wall. She quickly took a deep breath while standing up and snatching her cigarette pack, and lighting up. She looked away from Chord as her shaky hand pulled the thin white cylinder to her lips, and she attempted to regain her composure. After a few moments of silence, she slowly turned around and walked back to him. She stood very closely to him, holding the cigarette away from their faces before suddenly using her right fist to sock him in the shoulder. She narrowed her eyes at him, and hit him again, then stomped her heeled foot like a child. “ God you are just so…ugh![/font][/i]” she flailed her arms and then turned away from him again, before turning back and staring, her face finally showing a clear glimpse at the true emotions that played contradictory to the words that came out of her mouth next. “ I fucking hate you. I hate you, do you hear me….?! I don’t care what you say because this can’t be real. It’s just not logical. You aren’t supposed to think about me, even after all these years. You don’t love me.. you didn’t love me.. and you know what?[/font][/i]” She quickly squished her cigarette in the ashtray before walking straight up to him and planting a kiss on to his lips. She placed her hands on either side of his face and let herself lean in to him, deepening it, before pulling away quickly, her breathing heavy and her hair falling in to her face. Once she calmed down, she shook her head then sighed. “ Just, tell me… that didn’t mean a thing to you..[/font][/i]” she croaked, her eyes full of sudden want despite the fact that her stiff body language was showing the opposite. This random action was clearly not part of the plan, and at this moment Anna finally realized that she was confused with what she wanted.
OUTFIT yeeppp.
MUSIC one republic - good life.
NOTES so sorry for taking so long. ugh. i'll be quicker next time.
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