, lost thoughts -

[sohvi holt]

TIME flew by quickly these days and Sohvi often felt that she was running out of it. She had spent the last few weeks being dragged around to a multitude of doctor's by her child's adoptive parents. She was in her last month of pregnancy and was well aware that she could go into labor at any given time although it all seemed a bit unreal to her. She still felt as if this was all some terrible nightmare that she would simply wake up from. She tried to be brave over the past few months but she often found herself breaking down over the smallest of things. Not only was she pregnant and alone but she had lost her best friend in mix of things. She had never expected to be carrying Gabriel's baby and much less never expected him to walk out on her. She felt everything around her changing including her body and she felt a bit helpless at times although somehow she managed to pull through. There have been a small handful of people to stick around and one of those was Cole. She never expected Cole to come walking back into her life but it was perfect timing if there was such a thing.

Daydreaming had become somewhat of a daily thing between Cole and Sohvi as there wasn't much else she felt she could do. She was now thirty six weeks pregnant and she felt as if she was giant although in actuality she was still rather tiny for being pregnant. She was advised to take it easy and spend the last few weeks of her pregnancy in her home relaxing although that was the last thing she wanted to be doing. Bed rest was not something she enjoyed whatsoever but thankfully Cole was usually there to join her as she insisted that he stay with her in her flat instead of that awful hotel. They had watched nearly every movie on Netflix and even had their own photoshoot and still she felt as if she was going to go crazy if she stayed in there any longer. "I'm going to lose my mind before this is all over. I don't think I'm going to make it out of this a sane person."

[/i] she said dramatically as she stared up at the ceiling before looking over at Cole who was laying in the bed next to her tangled up in the white sheets that were wrapped around the two of them. "Please tell my Mother I loved her before they carry me away to the crazy hospital, yeah?"[/i] she said with a bit of a laugh before returning her focus to the movie which she had lost interest in five minutes after they had started it. She felt that it was a bit hard to stay interested in a movie when she was getting up to pee nearly every fifteen minutes. She couldn't seem to keep any liquid in her body as her baby was pressing right up against her bladder.

She got up once more from the bed as she waddled her way towards the bathroom but stopped abruptly and grabbed at the wall to steady herself. She winced as she felt a sharp pain shoot through her body and she took in a deep breathe before continuing on and entering the restroom. She was familiar with these cramps and thought nothing of them as she had been experiencing them for the past few weeks although the pain level had definitely gone up and they seemed to be lasting a whole lot longer she still thought nothing of it. She had built a high tolerance for pain and thus didn't really notice that she was indeed having really contractions. She felt as if her body was completely paralyzed as she attempted to walk back into the bedroom. She felt something similar to a huge kick from her baby but she knew it was something rather different when she felt a bit of wetness. She stood there in misbelief and confusion as she slowly processed all that was going on. "Cole ..."[/i] she started as she bit down on her lip a bit. "... my water just broke." she felt like she was in a bit of a trance as she stood in the hallway with her hand pressing against the wall to steady herself.

She took in a few deep breaths as one of her free hand pressed up against her stomach as she looked around still in a bit of a daze. "We we need to go to the hospital."[/i] she said as her arms began to shake a bit as she looked around feeling a bit unprepared for all of this. Her due date wasn't for another week and she had neglected to pack anything for this special day. "I-I-I need to pack."[/i] she stated simply as if she had all the time in the world to get there. She wanted to walk to her closet although she felt as if she couldn't even move. "I think we just need a taxi."[/i] she said trying to regain her composure. She knew what she needed to do and was trying her best to push all of her fears away although they seemed to be attacking her brain. She managed to grab her keys and purse before they both made their way out of her apartment still feeling very unprepared."Cole, I'm not ready. This can't happen now."[/i] she managed to say as they waited for the elevator to reach the fourth floor. "This can't happen now."[/i] she just kept repeating as a look of fear took over her face.

[/i][/font] cole.
WARDROBE, but pregnant.
MUSIC, skinny love - bon iver.
NOTES, this probably sounds ridiculous but i mean i've never given birth so hey c;[/ul]
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[cole latimer]

---COLE had a tendency towards walking in and out of people's lives. it was difficult to maintain friendships in different districts of the same city, nevermind whole other continents, and given that he had so many airmiles they were at a figure he couldn't pronounce he didn't blame people for moving on without him. it was difficult for him to identify the friends that were going to be lifelong and welcome him back with open arms from those who'd barely recognize him, as he made so many acquaintances on his travels and so often in a drunken haze that the keepers never really stood out. so often he'd been convinced that the people he was sharing a drink with in some random prague pub were going to be a fleeting association, or that a person he had a genuine heart to heart with in an inner city zoo would be a lifelong friend, only for it to transpire the other way around. crashed out in sohvi's bed with a beer on the nightstand, cole realized how stupid he'd been to think that maybe sohvi was one of those fleeting cases, an anecdote from his travels around the cast land that was america. it was ridiculous, because they had shared a bond before and it had come back easily to them despite the lack of contact, a warm bond that felt so familiar and comfortable it was as if he'd never left. he knew he could trust sohvi to stand by him, and for as long as she was willing to have him, he'd stand by her.

---STANDING up, cole bent each elbow behind his head, using his free hand to push his arm down and stretch the muscles out. as much as he deeply enjoyed sitting around talking shit and watching stupid movies with sohvi, and really he did, sitting around for that amount of time was not something he generally did unless forced to on a flight. he ruffled her hair affectionately, grinning at her melodrama. it had been strange at first, seeing her ballooned out like that, but he had been surprised by how quickly he adjusted to it. "you'll be great, stop worrying so much," he said, and it was true. over the past few days he'd been trying to help her out as much as he could around the apartment, but she'd maintained an almost staggering level of independence. he couldn't believe she'd actually planned on living alone throughout her pregnancy. trying to find the motivation to do some stomach crunches or a couple press ups but failing miserably, cole fell back into the comfort of her fluffy duvet, remembering that there was a movie on. still, however, he focused his attention on her. nestling in closer and pulling her into his chest, he idly ran his fingers through her silky smooth hair. "would you shut up? you're coping admirably. anyway, it's not so bad being holed up in bed all day with me catering to your every need, is it?" he said, that grin widening a little.

---MAYBE it was the fact they'd been stuck indoors all day, or maybe it was the amount of trashy romantic comedies she'd made him watch, but cole fell silent for a minute, still absent-mindedly playing with her hair but looking at her intently. there was an odd awkwardness suddenly between them, a tension that was unfamiliar to a boy who was more in the habit of kissing strangers than friends. every part of him was screaming at him to just kiss her, and it was a new experience for his brain to be reluctant in the face of such a command. worrying was absolutely not in his nature, but nagging doubts were creeping in... what if he'd totally misread the situation? what if she freaked out? what if she returned it, but it was just a hormonal thing and she got over it next week? what if something did happen, what would happen to their relationship? thankfully, his erratic thoughts were disrupted by her getting up to pee, and he breathed a sigh of relief. that was at least the fifth time he'd seriously considered kissing her in the past couple days, and it was the fifth time his thoughts had been cut short by her leaving for the bathroom. he said a small prayer thanking the lord for that particular pregnancy side-effect, since it had limited the dilemma for him. running a hand over his face, his thoughts were again cut short, this time by sohvi's abrupt return. he glanced up at her quizzically, his reactions sluggish.

---BUT then what she said landed, and his eyes widened. "shit... well, shit!" caught completely off guard, cole jumped up and looked around the room wildly, trying to order his thoughts as quickly as possible. sohvi, god bless her, was being more rational, and with her prompts he managed to get a grip on himself. "alright, you sit, i'll sort things," he said, guiding her as gently as possible into a nearby armchair, "i know it feels immediate but it's really not, we can spare a couple minutes to pack things. okay." grabbing the sports bag he'd brought his stuff in over, he dumped what remained in there out onto the bed, clearing space for her belongings. "what do you even need?" he asked, realizing he didn't really have the faintest clue. "actually it doesn't matter, i'll just pack you some overnight stuff and then come back and pick up whatever else you need later." he was talking more to himself than the girl, and darted quickly around the room, picking up underwear and clean t-shirts and her phone, anything that seemed even vaguely useful. he was deeply aware of how much she'd want to be in safer hands right now, and how much he'd rather this responsibility not be on him, if he were honest. zipping the bag up hastily, cole held an arm out to support her as they made their way slowly but surely out of the apartment. "don't even worry baby, you'll be fine, you know this shit. think of all those classes you've been to. think of all the people far stupider and weaker than you who've done this for centuries!" he wasn't sure that he could say anything to assure her, but he put an arm around her shoulders and hugged her regardless.

---

STATUS finishedd.
OUTFIT click, except + standard jeans because he's dull. C:
MUSIC mozart, i swear he's a musebooster.
NOTES sorry this really, genuinely sucks.

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[sohvi holt]

THE warm feeling of having another next to you was something she had forgotten over the past few months. She had been deserted by the one guy she truly felt would always be there for her and seemingly replaced today by one she had never expected to see again. She took in a deep breathe as she felt him tug her closer to his body and a smile pulled at her lips. She let out a deep sigh as she shook her head, "No, it's not so bad now that you're around." she admitted sheepishly before feeling her cheeks burn a pink color before she excused herself to go to the restroom once more even though this time she didn't really need it. Making her way to the bathroom was becoming more of a challenge than it had been in the past. She felt as if she was a penguin only being able to waddle from place to place due to her swollen stomach. The moment she realized her water broke it all seemed to be coming a reality for her. She had known that she was giving the baby up for adoption and she was indeed going to have to push this baby out of her body but she never seemed to realize it was all indeed real until that very moment. She felt an overwhelming rush of fear take over her body as she attempted to steady herself against the wall.

As Cole guided her to a nearby chair she just sat there still in a bit of a panic and disbelief as she pressed her hands against her stomach knowing in a few short hours she would meet her daughter. The word still seemed so strange to her knowing she would indeed be giving birth but she wouldn't become a mother today. Another woman would be becoming a mother today and she knew that this little girl meant the world to that couple even though she wasn't quite here yet. She watched Cole run around the room grabbing anything he felt could be useful. She couldn't seem to make the words leave her lips as he soon helped her up. The fear was written all over her face and she wrapped her arms around him as he hugged her. She felt the tears building up in her eyes as she took in a few deep breathes and tried to ignore the pain that was building. Getting out of the building was a challenge in herself and she honestly didn't know how she would have done it without Cole there. She had built up the confidence that she could do this all herself but she knew all too well if he hadn't been there she would have had that baby alone in her apartment.

Soon enough they were in a taxi rushing towards the hospital and Sohvi couldn't help but let the tears fall from her cheeks as the panic took over. She didn't want to suffer the same fate that her biological mother had and while there was hardly the chance of that happening she couldn't help but think of it. Her own Mother had died giving birth to Sohvi due to complications and thus her Father put her up for adoption knowing very well he couldn't take care of her on his own. She wasn't ready to give up her daughter but she knew it was what she had to do. She bit down on her lip as she tried to wipe away the tears that were staining her cheeks. "I didn't think this would be so hard." she whispered she as looked up at Cole. She knew that this would be the hardest thing she would ever do and yet there was no getting around it. Everything seemed to be speeding by quicker than she could even realize as she tried to steady her heartbeat which seemed close to beating right out of her chest.

As the taxi reached the hospital she grabbed a hold of Cole's hand as he helped her out of the taxi and into the hospital. She had never been a fan of hospitals at all knowing all too well more people walked in than those who walked out. She knew she looked like a fool with tears in her eyes and a complete look of panic on her face when she was only having a baby. Women were doing this everyday and while she knew she was prepared she simply didn't feel ready to part with her child. As they entered the hospital a nurse helped Sohvi into a wheel chair and after answering a few questions about her doctor and other personal questions she found herself being wheeled into her room. "Cole, you don't have to stay." she whispered as she looked up at him from the wheel chair. She took in a deep breathes as she shook her head trying to look convincing, "I'll be fine." This wasn't an ideal situation for anyone much less a male friend. "I don't think you want to see me like this or well see this in general." she said still clutching at her stomach every now and then due to the contractions. She cringed every time as the pain got worse with time.

She felt in a bit of a daze as a nurse helped her strip away her clothing in the bathroom and change into a hospital gown. She was helped into the bed and she looked around the room at the pale white walls and the smell of hand sanitizer took over. She looked over to see Cole still here and she reached out a hand to him as she bit down on her lip. "You stayed." she whispered with a bit of a smile on her face as she had convinced herself when she went into the bathroom to change he would have taken his exit and she wouldn't have blamed him in the least. He wasn't the father of the baby, he wasn't her boyfriend, and he was hardly even a close friend but yet he stayed. "This really means a lot to me." she whispered softly before pushing away a few tears from her cheeks as she shook her head. "It's the damn hormones." she managed with a bit of a laugh before more contraction pain set in.

[/i][/font] cole.
WARDROBE, but pregnant.
MUSIC, breathe me - sia.
NOTES, okay a million years late and terrible! i'm so so sorry also feel free to skip ahead from the pregnancy junk! [/ul]
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