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Post by ava on Aug 10, 2011 15:44:45 GMT -5
kai smiled. a dark, twisted smile. her eyes squinted a little, and her tears quickly went away, without even falling. she shook her head. there was nothing more she could do in this relationship. kenny obviously didn't see how much she was trying as well. was it too much to ask for, to have a husband who said, 'i love you', now and then? millions of miles apart, shouldn't have to change that. if he was stressed, which he most likely was, did that give him the right to take it out on kai? kai was spoiled rotten, but she wasn't stupid. she was actually quite intelligent. she knew that she deserved more, and that distance was never an excuse for being plain nasty to someone. i mean yes, he did have his moments. but it was more bad moments than good. and she wasn't exactly sure how to deal with it anymore. she felt anger burning inside of her, something she never felt before. she was being pushed to the edge. he ignored her tears. no, she wasn't crying for the attention. it was raw emotion. and he disregarded it. just like he disregarded most of the important things in their relationship. she felt broken inside, pushed away. she didn't even know if she could fight for the relationship anymore. she bit her tongue from saying something she would regret. "look. i have to go. i, uh, paid a visit to your mom like you asked. and the church. everything's good." she smoothed down her hair and then fiddled with the wedding band on her finger, not taking it off, but just turning it over and over, something she did when she was stressed. she honestly didn't know how much longer she could take this terrible treatment. she knew kenny wasn't rich, and that wasn't the problem. the lack of compassion and love, the constant anger and fighting was the problem. and they never made up, or apologized. sorry was never good enough for kenny. it was almost always good enough for kai. they slept on all of their problems, and kai was slowly getting fed up, something she never thought would happen.
tagged, kenny wearing, black tank top, black shorts. notes, this took forever >.<
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Post by kenny karlyle. on Aug 10, 2011 16:05:11 GMT -5
he didn't know why this always happened when the two of them got together. kai had always been in need of love- but she was just a different person than kenny was. kai had told him she loved him for the first time when she was sixteen years old, and he could honestly say there had not been a time since then that had held such an impact on his life. that being said, she could have never muttered the words again because she'd done it just that once, and it'd been so beautiful it'd only been forever imprinted on his mind. he knew she was different. and it wasn't that he had a problem with professing his love- he did it quite often in letters he sent to her the old fashioned way- but saying it in the way she wanted was honestly just too much for him to handle. he didn't even feel he was capable of getting the words out with out suffering complete emotional collapse. kai had seen him at his worst moments, but she had never truly seen him weak- and he intended to keep it that way. "yeah, i hope you left flowers." he said quietly, shaking his head to himself. he'd always visited his mother's grave ritually when he was at home; his father was too old and neither of his siblings could do it. just another thing kai did for him that was endlessly beautiful. it was moments like this kenneth hated himself. truly experienced self loathing that very few could relate to- a deep sense that he was worthless, his life was worthless, and everything he was doing was worthless. all he'd done was make mistakes from day one- the most important of them including the decision that had gotten him to this very place to begin with. he knew she'd make up some excuse to leave- she always did, and every time it made him sick to his stomach. he was alone in the fucking desert with a blunch of assholes- any sense of family he could have was something he craved. "listen-" he said, speaking sort of fast and direct, telling her instead of asking her opinion. "i'm doing this for us. you don't seem to get it but i hope one day you will." he also hoped they were still married when that day came.
[/color][/font][/i][/size] ava wardrobe,[/i][/size] irrelevant. music,[/i][/size] ehh nothing good. notes,[/i][/size] blahh melissa fomat yeah! [/ul] [/sup][/blockquote][/blockquote]
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Post by ava on Aug 10, 2011 16:28:55 GMT -5
the wedding was beautiful. small. few people. but beautiful. they did it in the church of course, because of kenny's religious ways. afterwards the reception was held on a beach, with everything in white, or a lighter shade of robin egg blue. kai was so young, but she had never seen anything so beautiful, so perfect. her white gown was thin and plain, just the way she wanted it. no big poof, no straps. it was simple, delicate. it still hung in her closet from a white hanger, wrapped up, protected. that day, was perfect. she loved kenny, he loved her. it was pure happiness. his mother had just passed, but he seemed so light, so full of joy. they slow danced, held each other tightly, looked each other in the eyes. kai rested her head on his shoulder, relaxed, enjoyed the moment. it was pure peace, tranquility. the ocean waves crashing softly on the sand. the sky was now dark, and the lazy, dim glow of a few stringed lights, kept everything up. it was just them two. it was just perfection. when he left, the second week, kai was heartbroken. she cried for days. locked herself in the bedroom, refusing to come out. she hardly ate, barely. just enough to keep her from passing out. she never got used to the distance, now three years into the marriage. kai's heart ached when she heard his low voice. almost felt sorry. almost. "i did. i always do." she said, referring to the comment about his flowers. kai knew the pain kenny went through with the loss of his mother. she tried her best to support him all the time, regardless on how much she hated going to cemeteries. she always went, always bought fresh flowers. she would stay for a while, and talk to the deceased woman, who was like her aunt before she could be her mother in law. she genuinely missed her as well. "i'm sorry, that i don't see it the way you do. i really am. but, i wish...i just wish you had prepped me for this sort of thing. but, you're right. i'm just selfish." she looked at the curtains again, then back at the screen. "i'm sorry for being a terrible wife. i guess i don't try hard enough. but, i have to go."
tagged, kenny wearing, black tank top, black shorts. notes, this took forever >.<
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Post by kenny karlyle. on Aug 10, 2011 16:47:39 GMT -5
"ah, fuck." he stated to himself after he heard her speak. this shit- this was exactly the stuff that he tried to avoid, solely, because this was the shit that he took with him when he left his tent. it was the shit that clouded his mind and made him feel an array of emotions. homesick, furious, in love, astonished- there was never a count to all the emotions kai made him feel. "kai- please, baby." when he looked at her, his eyes were pleeding with her in a way that he rarely did. "just a little bit longer. just try and understand, you're my wife, you'll always be first in my life but nothing's going to happen to you. you're safe- you're just a little lonely, but atleast you're safe and that's really all that matters. you shouldn't be complaining about this, i can't do anything-" he could say it a thousand times over but it was as if she never heard him. he shook his head now, finding it almost funny. he should have prepared her? prepared her for what? for eating dinners alone and eleven months with out sex? well- he felt he did that acclimately- if anything he should have worked on trying to prepare himself. "you knew what you were getting yourself into." he stated finally, coldly. that was the one thing that managed to blow his mind- that she knew what she was getting into, and she did it anyways. a big part of him wondered if she'd thought she could change his mind somehow- that she'd thought he'd been joking. "stop that- you know that's not what i'm saying. you're not terrible, there's nothing terrible about you. i don't even- just foget it, kai." they'd only been talking for seven minutes. seven minutes was all he got to see her face before she ran from him. what the fuck had he turned into? "whatever. bye. what a way to take what i had to say to heart." he stated, getting up from his chair. "hope this isn't the last time, but even if it is you wouldn't give a fuck would you?" he walked out of the room with out saying goodbye.
[/color][/font][/i][/size] ava wardrobe,[/i][/size] irrelevant. music,[/i][/size] ehh nothing good. notes,[/i][/size] blahh melissa fomat yeah! [/ul] [/sup][/blockquote][/blockquote]
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Post by ava on Aug 10, 2011 17:06:41 GMT -5
anger problems. kenny simply didn't know how to control his anger. she just wanted him home. she wanted his presence around her. she wanted to be happy again. but this wasn't working. he rarely showed her any emotion. rarely. he made her constantly feel like she was the one in the wrong, like she was wrong for missing him. like she was wrong for being lonely, like she was wrong for feeling like she was cheated out of her marriage when he left after the second week. she always gave him the benefit of the doubt. always said sorry, when it was something she hated doing. she did compromise for kenny, regardless on if he thought she didn't. but kai was tired of being pushed away. the loneliness was getting to her head, she didn't even feel married. it wasn't like the normal couple, whose husband went away. those couples would still talk every chance they got, the husband would constantly remind the wife how much he loved her. it was hard sacrificing, but she was willing to sacrifice for kenny. it just wasn't fair that she was sacrificing so much, and getting so little in return. the least he could do was say i love you, smile a bit more, at least pretend to be happy in this marriage. he couldn't even do that. she was fed up of being yelled at, she was a child when they got married but she wasn't a child now. she was a woman, with feelings, and emotions. and kenny kept bringing out the worst of them. he abruptly left, and she instantly broke down in tears. she was a wreck. a lonely, lost, confused wreck.
tagged, kenny wearing, black tank top, black shorts. notes, this took forever >.<
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