reyes, valencia esperanza-louise

[valencia reyes]

cailyn, aleduh, visitor

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val
twenty-something or another
beer brewer
born in torres, rio grande do sul, brazil
has the weirdest texan/brazilian accent ever
loves unicorns

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tell us some things about yourself that we couldn't find out otherwise

" fine, but if you go tell anyone else i'll deny we ever had this conversation and you'll look like a grande mentiroso! well, thing number one: i'm batman. don't look so surprised, gotham was quite confused too you know what with the boobs and vagina and all, but we're good now. i save them, they keep pretending i have a penis. my full name is valencia esperanza-louise barroso. try saying that fast three times. i did once, but then i choked on my spit. anyway, yeah. i don't go around saying my full name. i opt to not have a middle name when it comes down to the serious business, but that's just one of my many white lies. white lies are okay, by the way, i've cross-examined it with people. despicable me is my favorite movie and i believe the unicorn song was created just for my amusement. (starts singing

[/i]) unicorns i love them, unicorns i love them, unicorns i love them, uni-uni-unicorns i loveeee them. see? okay. i'm not a serious person, therefore do not take me seriously or you will mindfuck yourself and need extensive therapy. i have no true reasoning behind anything i do and i'm okay with that. "


okay. what about your family? how was growing up with them and all of that?

" i was born in a traveling circus so.....(is obviously tickled by this, starts laughing. stops abruptly[/b]) right, well moving on. it was generally normal while i was growing up. i have three others siblings. two brothers and a sister named ofelia. she's a bitch and i keep telling her to be nicer or she'll die alone and by alone i mean no one will come to her funeral ~ she is what most americans would call a cunt? i believe i got that right. my mother is this uptight, perfectionist, woman that's full of air and entirely too set up on looks - she always tells me i need to 'dress nicer' or 'straighten my hair more'. funny thing is, she's divorced (twice) and my father left her for a younger version so i'm not taking advice from her anytime soon. my father's this lecherous guy who wants his kids to accept his new girlfriend because she's pretty and american and i keep telling him he'll have a heart-attack trying to keep up with her eventually so he should just settle for a gimp or someone that'll make him look spectacular, but he just glares and says i'm a cruel woman. my parents were cute when they were together though, i'll admit. they were like ricardo and lucy only i'd be happy if lucy were my mother. my mother is a crazed mess. made me do all of these crazy things to up my 'life resume' and i haven't really used any of them. not ballet, not the piano, nada. we moved to dallas when i was seventeen and after that my parents sort of split. i guess my father started seeing things he was more interested in and my mother started seeing less things. she tried to get us to move back to brazil, but we were too happy with our living arrangements. i have to admit i got annoyed with people talking very slowly to me because they assumed i didn't know english. such a rude assumption! but yes, ofelia's some gold-digging whore, matteo's doing something with his life, and i don't know what casimiro's doing. matt said he's doing porn in los angeles. poor kid being exploited like that. "

right...you say you did ballet and other things as a child, what was that like?

" booooringgggggg! oh meu deus was it boring! i almost broke my foot once trying to pirouette and some lanky pre-pubescent kid nearly dropped me on my head. i cried, then i told my brothers and they beat him up. i got a new partner for the recital though. i would get so pissed because my estupido cadela of a teacher would always go 'valencia, you have to keep your weight at so and so for the recital' and i'm like 'i like to eat. what of it?' and we'd go back and forth and i'd stuff the food in my mouth and run. she hated me, but i like to eat. food is the best thing in the world. you can do so much with it! you can eat it with your hands, or utensils, or with someone or by yourself or on someone or not. ugh, i'm starving. are there any leftover donuts over there? (tries to lift her head to see over shoulder[/i]) sorry, i'm so off task. anyway, i learned the piano and got really good with that but then my mom started pushing me to do more and i got irritated and stopped playing. nine times out of ten i can still play really well, but i haven't tried. i'm really good at learning things. like, i can pick something up within a few times of seeing someone else do it, but i mean i don't think i went to a class for that. my mom did make me learn italian though. for what, i couldn't tell you. it's pointless ~ i make and drink beer for a living. i doubt i need to know how to pirouette or play the piano for that. "

what about your home life? any guys in your life?

" calm down, quick draw. i don't think you understand the seriousness of this question. i've got boys, men, women, and unfortunately children in my life and.... none are mine. booyah! got you there, didn't i? yeah, see. i have sex for kicks, but i don't do the whole 'lets be together forever' thing. i don't really like kids or the things that come along with them and i can't say i've ever really wanted to be with a woman unless i was drunk. i have a very high libido, like a spanish horse. if i had a penis i would have repopulated half the world already because i can do that. guys say i give mixed signals. they say i seem like i want a relationship, but then i act like i don't know what i'm getting myself into. maybe, smart ass, it's because i don't because you're delusional and think i want to marry you. i don't know. people think too much into things. sex is sex. if i wanted to marry you, i'd do things other than have sex with you and just because i'm doing something nice doesn't mean i like you. i just felt like it. it's that simple."

we know you don't really get angry, but is there anything that truly gets under your skin?

" plenty, trust me. i just don't get visibly angry. so i'll just give a small smile or a tight-lipped one or roll my eyes or just be quiet and my posture gets all rigid and nunish. i don't know, little things bother me like when someone lies to me about stupid stuff. most of the time i don't care enough to be bothered if you did or didn't do something so when people lie to me about little things that aren't important i get annoyed. especially if i know the actually answer already - what's the point? don't touch my food or pretend you're going to feed me and don't. i'm like a stray dog. i will bite the hand that feeds if it falsifies information on feeding. i may not look like it, but i need every ounce of food that goes in my body. don't deprive me of it. ever. the thing that gets me annoyed, but i don't think i'm as bothered by it, is when people stare. i'm fully aware my eyes are two different colors. i'm fully aware it's odd and i'm fully aware it's also something that makes people wish they were me, get over it. ask a question or move on, don't just sit there and stare. the last thing is probably when people are all mean and stuff for no reason. don't be mean to me! i'm like a innocent little bunny rabbit and you're trying to run me over with your lifted truck like i did something to you! stop. and we're done. "

and we'd just like to know of any weird quirks or habits you have that you've noticed? just for fun.

" fun. right. hmm, i chew on my straws and cups without knowing so you can't lie and say you didn't know it was yours because there's obvious evidence against that. sometimes when i mess up i just start speaking gibberish until i get my words back, it's pretty random and people look at me weird. i'm in the habit of having someone in the same room with me when i'm showering or bathing. like someone on the toilet or on the phone talking to me while i'm doing it. i don't know why. i steal people's food impulsively sometimes. i can't help it, it tastes so much better when it's not yours. i've been told i talk about myself in third person sometimes in a mumbling voice when i'm accused of stuff or something and that i sing stupid theme songs and stuff that i hear on tv. i have to write out words before i spell them and i sometimes forget that i have an accent when i talk and get confused when people don't know what i said. oh and then there's the times that i've said batman quotes to my dog, mika, because i sometimes pretend he's my sidekick. he likes it. there's more, but i'm not about to make myself look like some crazy person. "
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