Post by shoshanna on Mar 22, 2011 0:48:17 GMT -5
[/i]erin, alyssa miller, resident
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[/i]monday, july 12, 2004
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------ mum and dad were fighting again today. this time, it was something about how she's never around. i think dad feels abandoned. i do, too, sometimes. i know mum is doing what she loves, though, and i love her for it. i want to be like her when i'm older. she's so proud. i couldn't imagine a better mother or father. i'm just hoping i can be half the people they are when i'm grown up.
wednesday, january 5, 2005
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------ she quit. dad asked her to, said it would be best for the family, for his job. i can tell she's upset. i hear her crying sometimes, although she tries to stifle the noise. she's heartbroken over giving up her dream. i had always thought she was so strong, so ineffable, so everything. i can see that she isn't, though. she gave up her hopes and dreams for our father. is it worth it? i can't imagine ever doing that. i don't want my life story to end so soon. i want to do all that i can. i won't let that happen to me. i won't sit in my bedroom, trying to hide my sadness.
monday, may 5, 2008
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------ paris is amazing. it's everything i could have ever imagined. i honestly cannot believe i didn't move here sooner. everything about this city, from the people to the general atmosphere - i swear, i'm in love. it's a curious thing, to become so attached to a place and not a person, but i love it. here, nothing ever lets you down. it helps that i've been picking up a box of macarons every single day since ladurée is right near my loft. i think i'm going to gain about a million pounds in the next few months. maybe not, though, since my job keeps me on my feet. i've wanted to be a critic for so long. i'm finally gaining recognition. i think i've really come into myself and i'm so excited to see what else happens.
tuesday, october 20, 2009
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------ i met this guy. his name is ryder. i think i'm going to see more of him. i don't want to jinx it, though.
thursday, november 19, 2009
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------ he's everything i could have imagined and more.
saturday, august 21, 2010
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------ he proposed. i didn't say anything. all i could do was turn and walk away. i feel horrible. i've been in the hotel all day, ordering room service and hiding away from the rest of the world. i don't know what to do. i love him, i do, but i can't do this. i can't just be his wife; i can't end up like my mother. i want too much. getting married this young feels wrong. but i love him. i do, i do, i do.
wednesday, february 23, 2011
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------ it's been six months since i last saw him. i haven't thought about him a lot lately, because i know it won't do me any good, but i can't deny that i don't miss him. the feelings aren't gone but i've learned to ignore him. it's hard, though. i rang mum the other day and asked her if what i did was right. she's used to hearing me ask that. she said if i felt it was, then it was. honestly, though, i don't know. i've always known what i've wanted. i've always been single-minded and concentrated but ryder puts my head in the clouds. i can't focus when i think of him. i'm working again, though, which is a good thing. i've got a job as a waitress and i've gotten some connections with people. i want to become passionate again and do what i've always wanted. maybe, just maybe, when i do that, i'll be able to define myself outside of my work. [/blockquote][/blockquote][/sub][/font]